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The Mend Project
Educate. Prevent. Restore.
The Mend ProjectThe Mend Project
  • About
    • Contact
    • Our History
    • Our Team
  • Victims + Survivors
    • You Are Not Crazy
      • List of Unhealthy Behaviors You Might Be Facing
      • I Look Like The Crazy One
    • It’s Not Your Fault
      • Original Abuse
      • Glossary of Terms
      • Domestic Abuse
      • Couple’s Therapy
      • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
      • Should I Stay or Should I Go?
    • You Are Not Alone
  • Responding to Abuse
    • How Can I Know if it’s Abuse?
      • The Victim
      • The Abuser
    • What is My Role?
      • DOUBLE ABUSE®
      • Complex PTSD
      • Prevent PTSD into C-PTSD
      • Note to Faith-Based Organizations
  • Training + Curriculum
  • Tools + Resources
  • Get Involved
  • About
    • Contact
    • Our History
    • Our Team
  • Victims + Survivors
    • You Are Not Crazy
      • List of Unhealthy Behaviors You Might Be Facing
      • I Look Like The Crazy One
    • It’s Not Your Fault
      • Original Abuse
      • Glossary of Terms
      • Domestic Abuse
      • Couple’s Therapy
      • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
      • Should I Stay or Should I Go?
    • You Are Not Alone
  • Responding to Abuse
    • How Can I Know if it’s Abuse?
      • The Victim
      • The Abuser
    • What is My Role?
      • DOUBLE ABUSE®
      • Complex PTSD
      • Prevent PTSD into C-PTSD
      • Note to Faith-Based Organizations
  • Training + Curriculum
  • Tools + Resources
  • Get Involved

Author Archives: The M3ND Project

Joy in the Morning: Ada’s Story

Blog, StoriesBy The M3ND ProjectMay 19, 2022Leave a comment

“‘There will be joy in the morning,’ she said as she prayed for me one day. “Joy in the morning.” After the pain, hurt and grieving I’d been feeling for so long, this was music to my ears. But it was much more than that as I felt a sudden shift within me responding to…

Lost in the Gaslight

When Healthy Confrontation Spurs Gaslighting, Part II

BlogBy The M3ND ProjectMay 11, 2022Leave a comment

Picking up where we left off in our blog from last week (which you can find in the resources section below), we all know that despite the best of intentions to resolve conflict through healthy confrontation lovingly, the other person doesn’t always respond the way we hope. Why is this? Sometimes, the knowledge that they…

When Healthy Confrontation Spurs Gaslighting, Part I

BlogBy The M3ND ProjectMay 2, 2022Leave a comment

Confrontation. Many of us sigh deeply and quietly murmur UGH at the thought of confrontation. Why is it so stressful? It just seems most often confrontation isn’t handled well. One or both sides of the equation brings unhealthy habits to the table which make conflict resolution a struggle. Often, the one who chooses to confront…

Loving His Child Well After Abuse

5 Covert Behaviors Parents Commonly do to Their Children

BlogBy The M3ND ProjectApril 18, 2022Leave a comment

I never intended to hurt my little girl with my words and responses to her. I really had no idea how badly I had been harming her. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that I had been minimizing and invalidating her for quite some time. Covert emotional abuse is such a complicated topic. It…

The Women Who Took a Stand: A Look at Domestic Violence During Women’s History Month

BlogBy The M3ND ProjectMarch 29, 2022Leave a comment

It is daunting to look at the history of domestic violence world-wide and ask ourselves, “How far have we come?” As a woman who is face to face with the not-too-distant past where the law allowed men to physically abuse their wives and when the church itself openly encouraged husband’s physical abuse of their wives…

Can you be too positive?: A look at Toxic Positivity

BlogBy The M3ND ProjectMarch 17, 20222 Comments

Today, we are talking about “Toxic Positivity”, a subject that really strikes a chord with our team at The M3ND Project. For some of us, putting “toxic” and “positivity” together in a phrase seems inherently wrong. How can anything positive be toxic? There are many situations where  toxic positivity is harmful. Often, it comes as…

A little Self-Love and Care

The Hardest Person to Forgive Could Be You

BlogBy The M3ND ProjectFebruary 23, 2022Leave a comment

I know what others did to me was out of my control. It was not my fault. I did not cause it. Or that’s what I keep being told. But I can’t help wondering why I stayed so long. How did I allow myself to be put in such a hurtful situation? Why did I…

Gaslighting: a toxic form of abuse that is highly misunderstood

UncategorizedBy The M3ND ProjectFebruary 1, 2022Leave a comment

There was a time when I did not know what “Gaslighting” was. It was just a strange-sounding word I heard now and again that I didn’t fully understand. But over time and particularly in recent years, gaslighting has become a term used regularly and, far too often, incorrectly. It seems that when someone disagrees with…

A couple ignores dismissing each other

Shhhhhh…..Why Victims Keep Silent

BlogBy The M3ND ProjectJanuary 14, 2022Leave a comment

I sat there listening to my friend tell me everything she had been going through in her relationship for the last 10 years. I couldn’t believe my ears. All this time, I had assumed she was one of those women who willingly isolates herself within her man’s world leaving her friends far off while the…

A Reflection on 2021

Blog, News, StoriesBy The M3ND ProjectDecember 30, 2021Leave a comment

With the New Year upon us, our team has been reflecting on all we are grateful for through this past year. For many, 2021 may have mixed reviews…uncertainty, loss, change. For others, it promulgated significant transformation and growth. Whatever 2021 brought to you, we hope you find peace, joy and healing as you begin 2022…

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Disclaimer: The author of this website, Annette Oltmans, takes responsibility for the presentation of the content of this website. I am not a clinician. I am a researcher and your helpmate. I am not trying to vilify any gender or any person. I am not diagnosing nor am I trying to punish those who harm others. My mission is to identify and clarify the single behaviors or patterns of behaviors that occur when covert abuse is present. Statistically, women are more likely to be the victims and are also more likely to be aware that problems exist, but that is not exclusively so. In the service of all victims and those who harm them, I offer this information.

I am not affiliated with HWP, MyTime Active or The M.E.N.D. program (Mind, Exercise, Nutrition, Do it!).
© 2021 The MEND Project. All Rights Reserved.

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