{"id":7050,"date":"2020-07-06T02:13:00","date_gmt":"2020-07-06T09:13:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/?p=7050"},"modified":"2025-07-30T06:07:36","modified_gmt":"2025-07-30T13:07:36","slug":"como-afrontar-a-un-abusador","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/es\/how-to-confront-an-abuser\/","title":{"rendered":"Conversaciones valientes: C\u00f3mo enfrentar a los abusadores de la manera correcta"},"content":{"rendered":"<p dir=\"ltr\">En alg\u00fan momento, es probable que tengas la oportunidad de confrontar a una persona sobre su comportamiento abusivo.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Sea el abusador un cliente, un compa\u00f1ero de trabajo, un miembro de la familia o un amigo, cuando puedas ayudar a una v\u00edctima interponi\u00e9ndote en su lugar para lograr un cambio, deber\u00e1s contar con los mejores instrumentos para hacerlo.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">En este art\u00edculo, vamos a:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Proporcionarle una visi\u00f3n general de los desaf\u00edos que implica enfrentar el abuso<\/li>\n<li>Describe por qu\u00e9 es crucial obtener primero la autorizaci\u00f3n del afectado<\/li>\n<li>Descubra c\u00f3mo suelen reaccionar los abusadores ante una confrontaci\u00f3n (y c\u00f3mo evitar los obst\u00e1culos)<\/li>\n<li>Y presentamos un plan en 7 pasos para enfrentar a los abusadores de la manera m\u00e1s productiva posible<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Vamos a hablarlo. <\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\">Evite estos posibles problemas<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Pueden surgir circunstancias que te obliguen a confrontar a alguien que se comporta de forma violenta o abusiva. Puedes ser parte de la comunidad de confianza de la persona que est\u00e1 causando da\u00f1o y, incluso, poder ser testigo directo de ese comportamiento t\u00f3xico. Si es as\u00ed, estar\u00e1s en la posici\u00f3n perfecta para confrontarlo.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Podr\u00eda ser amigo de ambas personas de la relaci\u00f3n, o incluso podr\u00eda ser un \u2018amigo\u2019 de la pareja. Tambi\u00e9n podr\u00eda ser un extra\u00f1o que intenta ayudar a la persona que est\u00e1 siendo perjudicada.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Si eres t\u00fa,<span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">&nbsp;<\/span><strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">Es esencial<\/span><\/strong> Para que usted pueda <em>Recibir permiso<\/em> dejar que la v\u00edctima se sienta primero antes de confrontar al abusador, porque podr\u00edan haber problemas de seguridad personal, riesgos de represalias emocionales o financieras, o otros asuntos que podr\u00edan afectar seriamente a la v\u00edctima; por lo tanto, siempre se debe confiar en que la v\u00edctima sea la mejor opci\u00f3n.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Enfrascarse en una confrontaci\u00f3n con el abusador puede acabar por intensificar la violencia en el hogar cuando el abusador culpa a la v\u00edctima de la confrontaci\u00f3n. O bien, podr\u00eda provocar que el abusador reaccione de diversas formas, tanto p\u00fablicas como secretas.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Es importante que la v\u00edctima est\u00e9 emocionalmente preparada para una respuesta hostil, as\u00ed como para <a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/es\/ayuda-para-salir-de-relaciones-abusivas\/\" style=\"outline: none;\">crear un plan de seguridad o de salida<\/a>, Esto incluye buscar discretamente el asesoramiento de un abogado especializado en derecho de familia antes de permitir que usted se enfrente a su pareja.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Una vez lo haya hecho, prep\u00e1rese para estas posibles reacciones del abusador.<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">\u00bfC\u00f3mo reaccionan los abusadores cuando son confrontados?<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">A menudo, quienes cometen abusos no son conscientes del hecho de que sus interacciones verbales con la v\u00edctima est\u00e1n muy alejadas de las normas sociales.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Ser confrontado perturba su sentido de confianza perdido y puede llevar a una reflexi\u00f3n personal o a una contrici\u00f3n. O, por el contrario, tambi\u00e9n podr\u00eda llevar a represalias contra usted y\/o la v\u00edctima. Si el abusador se vuelve represivo y aumenta el da\u00f1o contra la v\u00edctima, es importante que usted se alinee plenamente con la persona que est\u00e1 siendo perjudicada. Su apoyo en este momento es crucial.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Examinemos aqu\u00ed los pasos correctos para afrontar la situaci\u00f3n:<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">Los 7 pasos del modelo de responsabilidad de la valent\u00eda<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Aprender a afrontar a un abusador emocional (o cualquier otro tipo de abusador) puede ser intimidante.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Requiere valent\u00eda y determinaci\u00f3n.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Si no tienes los argumentos adecuados para hablar, es probable que el abusador te manipule para que creas prematuramente que \u00e9l ha cambiado, que nunca hubo ning\u00fan problema con su comportamiento y que la v\u00edctima es el verdadero abusador.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Para evitar esto, creamos el \u201cModelo de Rendici\u00f3n de Cuentas de Coraje\u201d para ayudarle cuando interact\u00faes con los abusadores y para ayudarles a darse cuenta de que necesitan dedicar tiempo significativo a desmantelar las creencias err\u00f3neas y a pensar de manera diferente para poner fin a sus comportamientos nocivos.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Este modelo proporciona una plantilla para ayudar al abusador a asumir la responsabilidad y a afrontar la realidad de que sus acciones no son aceptables socialmente ni interpersonales. Dado que los abusadores se preocupan mucho por su imagen p\u00fablica y c\u00f3mo los perciben los dem\u00e1s, la confrontaci\u00f3n en algunos casos puede llevar a un cambio, especialmente si el causante del da\u00f1o no est\u00e1 profundamente arraigado en su comportamiento patol\u00f3gico.<\/p>\n<h3 dir=\"ltr\">1. Cara<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Al aprender a afrontar a un abusador, el primer paso para aprender es <strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">Enfrent\u00e1ndose<\/span><\/strong>. Este es un acto profundo de confrontaci\u00f3n verbal que se produce entre usted y la persona de su comunidad que puede ser abusiva.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">La confrontaci\u00f3n comienza como una conversaci\u00f3n tranquila, reflexiva e imparcial sobre lo que el abusador necesita reconocer: enfatizando los comportamientos abusivos espec\u00edficos que est\u00e1 cometiendo.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Esto equivale a desafiarlos con una mano firme y una voz fuerte.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Est\u00e1s ayudando al abusador a darse cuenta, a pensar y a afrontar la realidad de que lo que est\u00e1 haciendo es evidente para ti y es perjudicial y traumatizante para la v\u00edctima.<\/p>\n<h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">2. Propia<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Segundo paso:, <strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">PROPIETARIO<\/span><\/strong>, El concepto de responsabilidad implica que el abusador asume la responsabilidad de su creencia distorsionada de que su comportamiento es de alguna manera aceptable.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">La toma de posesi\u00f3n no es tarea para los d\u00e9biles de coraz\u00f3n, ni para la persona que ayuda al abusador a afrontar lo que est\u00e1 haciendo, ni para el individuo que admite sus actos de abuso.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Poseer algo y reconocerlo implica que los abusadores admitan plenamente que su comportamiento est\u00e1 perjudicando a los dem\u00e1s. Hacer algo menos de esto no es un verdadero reconocimiento y no cumple con este paso.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">La falsa posesi\u00f3n suele significar que la posesi\u00f3n que muestran es \u00fanicamente externa y que no ha resonado internamente en ellos.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">En \u00faltima instancia, el trabajo del abusador debe ser profundamente reflexivo y de mentalidad abierta, con una manifestaci\u00f3n externa del cambio interno. Esto significa que el abusador, con tu est\u00edmulo y una firme expectativa, debe hacer reparaciones y compensaciones adecuadas al da\u00f1o causado.<\/p>\n<h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">3. Recursos<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Paso cuatro:, <strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">RECURSOS<\/span><\/strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">,<\/span> Significa que una vez que has ayudado a un abusador a afrontar y asumir sus conductas abusivas, te ofreces como recurso de contenci\u00f3n.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Cuando est\u00e1n dispuestos, este paso les confirma que <em>Hay ayuda disponible para ellos<\/em>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\"><strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">RESPONSABILIDAD <\/span><\/strong>Implica mantener l\u00edmites firmes y permitir o facilitar las consecuencias por los da\u00f1os que hayan causado.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Las limitaciones suelen ser dif\u00edciles de aceptar para los abusadores, pero al final son esenciales si hay que tener esperanzas de que el abusador cambie.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Esto funciona mejor cuando el socio de responsabilidad es alguien que conoce la naturaleza y la actividad de los abusos que se est\u00e1n cometiendo, c\u00f3mo ese abusador en particular ha llevado a cabo esa actividad y qui\u00e9n est\u00e1 dispuesto a hacerles responsables de los cambios que deben producirse.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">El aut\u00e9ntico arrepentimiento y la contrici\u00f3n no son suficientes. Muchos abusadores se disculpan, pero poco despu\u00e9s vuelven a cometer comportamientos destructivos. Se busca una verdadera humildad y una voluntad de rectificar las cosas; estos son signos de que el abusador entiende verdaderamente lo que ha hecho y el da\u00f1o que ha causado, y de que est\u00e1 dispuesto a ofrecer reparaciones significativas y tangibles.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Adem\u00e1s, recursos ricos que pueden ayudar tanto al abusador a obtener ayuda como servir para mantener el trabajo que necesita realizar para cambiar incluyen programas especializados que trabajan con los abusadores en esfuerzos tangibles para transformarse a s\u00ed mismos y sus pensamientos y creencias err\u00f3neos \u2014como la participaci\u00f3n voluntaria en un programa de intervenci\u00f3n para abusadores y <a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/es\/therapist-for-relationships\/\">Terapia individual cualificada<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">En ambos casos, se debe permitir a la v\u00edctima hablar sobre la situaci\u00f3n sin la presencia del abusador. Los programas de tratamiento para agresores funcionan autom\u00e1ticamente de esta manera. Para la terapia, el abusador debe aceptar firmar un acuerdo que le permita al compa\u00f1ero tener acceso incondicional al terapeuta y que el terapeuta pueda comunicarse con la persona que est\u00e1 siendo abusada.<\/p>\n<h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">4. Educar<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Paso cuatro:, <strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">Educar<\/span><\/strong>, Es importante que el abusador tenga claridad sobre el impacto que sus comportamientos tienen en su pareja.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Las actitudes de pretensi\u00f3n y los est\u00e1ndares duros, probablemente aprendidos en la infancia temprana a trav\u00e9s de la crianza familiar o cultural, colocan al abusador en una posici\u00f3n jer\u00e1rquica.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Pueden estar conscientes o inconscientes de sus prejuicios. Es importante hablar sobre c\u00f3mo estas actitudes colocan a la v\u00edctima en una posici\u00f3n inferior, lo cual es destructivo para su autoestima.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Ens\u00e9\u00f1eles qu\u00e9 constituye abuso. Quiz\u00e1s tambi\u00e9n les muestren los t\u00e9rminos y definiciones de MEND, que definen los comportamientos abusivos ocultos destinados a controlar las conversaciones y los conflictos.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Demostre al abusador c\u00f3mo se manifiestan sus conductas: la defensividad, el bloqueo de la comunicaci\u00f3n y la desvalorizaci\u00f3n en las conversaciones son lo opuesto a una comunicaci\u00f3n aut\u00e9ntica (una comunicaci\u00f3n en la que se escucha y se valida la voz de la v\u00edctima).<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Por ejemplo, menospreciar a un compa\u00f1ero de cualquier manera o colocarlo en una posici\u00f3n inferior es abusivo. Cuanto m\u00e1s puedas poner en evidencia comportamientos abusivos espec\u00edficos, m\u00e1s claridad aportar\u00e1 a la situaci\u00f3n y mejor habr\u00e1 de ser la oportunidad para que el abusador vea que sus interacciones son perjudiciales.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Una \u00e1rea espec\u00edfica que es importante abordar y valorar al orientar a los abusadores de esta manera es la de sensibilizar sobre el trauma que sus comportamientos causan.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Cuando los abusadores repiten comportamientos abusivos, se provocan nuevos desencadenantes basados en los traumas pasados de la v\u00edctima. Los traumas y sus efectos son un enfoque fundamental para el abusador, ya que necesita reconocer que estos comportamientos ya no ser\u00e1n tolerados por la v\u00edctima ni por usted, el compa\u00f1ero de responsabilidad.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">En el coraz\u00f3n de la educaci\u00f3n se encuentran los esfuerzos que demuestran c\u00f3mo las caracter\u00edsticas opuestas de los Cuatro Pilares del Abuso orientar\u00e1n al abusador hacia los recursos para su recuperaci\u00f3n.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Los 4 pilares del abuso son:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">Un sistema de creencias defectuoso<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">Gesti\u00f3n de im\u00e1genes<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">Derecho a la pensi\u00f3n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">Tratamiento preferencial cultural, preferencial por motivos de discriminaci\u00f3n o de jerarqu\u00eda<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Descubra m\u00e1s sobre estos pilares del abuso en este art\u00edculo. <a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/es\/can-abusers-change\/\" style=\"outline: none;\">\u00bfPueden los abusadores cambiar de actitud? art\u00edculo<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">5. Exigir<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Paso cinco, <strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">REQUISITOS<\/span><\/strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">,<\/span> Son el n\u00facleo de lo que hace que una relaci\u00f3n de rendici\u00f3n de cuentas sea significativa (en lugar de da\u00f1ina) para la v\u00edctima.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Como socio de responsabilidad, es esencial que clarifiques tus expectativas de relaci\u00f3n con el abusador.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Nombre&nbsp;<em>espec\u00edficamente lo que aceptar\u00e1 y lo que no aceptar\u00e1. <\/em><\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Por ejemplo, si vas a reunirte con el abusador en cualquier circunstancia, aseg\u00farate de indicar que est\u00e1s all\u00ed para apoyarlo \u00fanicamente en sus esfuerzos tangibles por cambiar.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Si est\u00e1s socializando con un abusador y no est\u00e1s exigiendo que responda por sus comportamientos nocivos, est\u00e1s colaborando en el abuso y a\u00f1adiendo un trauma significativo a la v\u00edctima.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">A medida que el abusador asume la responsabilidad de la profunda y seria transformaci\u00f3n psicol\u00f3gica, emocional y cognitiva que debe realizar, si quiere que su relaci\u00f3n prospere, tambi\u00e9n tendr\u00e1 que entender los requisitos que requiere una relaci\u00f3n.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Si bien se han escrito cientos de libros sobre el tema, aqu\u00ed se incluyen solo algunos de los requisitos esenciales que un abusador debe aceptar y aprender a cumplir:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li ltr\"\"=\"\">Rehabilitaciones necesarias<\/li>\n<li ltr\"\"=\"\">Edificio<\/li>\n<li ltr\"\"=\"\">Igualdad<\/li>\n<li ltr\"\"=\"\">Seguridad emocional y f\u00edsica<\/li>\n<li ltr\"\"=\"\">Descubrimiento<\/li>\n<li ltr\"\"=\"\">Respeto mutuo<\/li>\n<li ltr\"\"=\"\">Reciprocidad<\/li>\n<li ltr\"\"=\"\">Individualidad<\/li>\n<li ltr\"\"=\"\">Amore<\/li>\n<li ltr\"\"=\"\">Atenci\u00f3n cuidadosa<\/li>\n<li ltr\"\"=\"\">Suporte<\/li>\n<li ltr\"\"=\"\">Honestidad<\/li>\n<li ltr\"\"=\"\">Placer<\/li>\n<li ltr\"\"=\"\">Variedad<\/li>\n<li ltr\"\"=\"\">Libertad responsable<\/li>\n<li ltr\"\"=\"\">L\u00edmites protectores<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\">6. Determinaci\u00f3n<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\"><strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">Determinaci\u00f3n<\/span><\/strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">,<\/span> La sexta etapa consiste en establecer un nuevo est\u00e1ndar de palabras correspondientes a las acciones que el abusador no est\u00e1 acostumbrado a experimentar.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Si un par se separa, por ejemplo, y el abusador se compromete a comunicarse con su pareja a las 6:00 p.m. todos los d\u00edas, su papel como compa\u00f1ero de responsabilidad saludable consiste en aceptar nada menos que eso.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Inscribirse a las 6:15, por ejemplo, no es coincidir palabras con acciones. En cambio, se trata de un acto que muestra falta de respeto por el valioso tiempo de su pareja. Si surge algo leg\u00edtimo que impida llamar en el momento adecuado, por ejemplo, entonces el abusador debe enviar un mensaje de texto con antelaci\u00f3n explicando el problema y preguntando educadamente si es posible programar una hora m\u00e1s tarde para el compa\u00f1ero.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Los abusadores son personas que rompen los l\u00edmites. Como socio de la responsabilidad, es esencial que explique que no participar\u00e1 en la relaci\u00f3n si el abusador no cumple plenamente sus compromisos.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Aceptar menos o dar credibilidad a las justificaciones implica colaborar en el abuso y traumatiza a la v\u00edctima.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\">7. Confrontaci\u00f3n<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Finalmente, <strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">Enfrentamiento<\/span><\/strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">&nbsp;<\/span>El resultado implica reconocer, analizar y volver a realizar los pasos.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Est\u00e1s all\u00ed para celebrar con cautela sus avances y abordar con firmeza los fracasos, teniendo en cuenta la posibilidad de que el abusador pueda tener que reiniciar sus esfuerzos y empezar desde cero.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Recomenzar requiere asumir la responsabilidad, reparar la situaci\u00f3n y afrontar las consecuencias de manera integral. Si bien apoyar y estar al lado de las v\u00edctimas es fundamental, confrontar a los abusadores tambi\u00e9n es un paso necesario, especialmente cuando se produce abuso en el matrimonio o entre miembros de la familia que quieren resolver los problemas.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">Conclusi\u00f3n<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">La sanaci\u00f3n no puede producirse plenamente si el abusador no introduce cambios.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">El <em>Modelo de responsabilidad de la valent\u00eda<\/em> Ayuda al abusador a sentir presi\u00f3n social para que mejore su comportamiento y sus relaciones, adem\u00e1s de recibir apoyo en sus esfuerzos tangibles por cambiar.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Le animamos encarecidamente a compartir este recurso con cualquier persona que conozca que interact\u00fae regularmente con abusadores. Tambi\u00e9n puede animarlos a inscribirse en nuestro programa completo. <a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/es\/mend-trainings\/\" style=\"outline: none;\">Plan de formaci\u00f3n<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Tambi\u00e9n le queremos indicar informaci\u00f3n sobre el abuso original y <a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/es\/abuso-doble\/\" style=\"outline: none;\">Abuso doble\u00ae<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Estamos aqu\u00ed para ayudarle y queremos lo mejor para usted.&nbsp;<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>At some point, you will likely have the opportunity to confront a person about their abusive personality and behavior.&nbsp; Whether the abuser is a client, co-worker, family member, or friend, when you are in a position to support a victim by interfacing with the abuser to enact change, you will want to be equipped with [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":11201,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","tve_updated_post":"<div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p dir=\"ltr\">At some point, you will likely have the opportunity to confront a person about their abusive personality and behavior.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Whether the abuser is a client, co-worker, family member, or friend, when you are in a position to support a victim by interfacing with the abuser to enact change, you will want to be equipped with the best tools for doing so.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">In this article, we\u2019re going to:<\/p><ul class=\"\"><li>Provide you with an overview of the challenges of confronting abuse<\/li><li>Describe why it\u2019s crucial to get permission from the victim first<\/li><li>Uncover how abusers tend to react to confrontation (and how to avoid the pitfalls)<\/li><li>And unpack a 7-step plan for confronting abusers in the most productive manner possible<br><\/li><\/ul><p>Let\u2019s discuss it. <br><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192cf685811\" style=\"\">Avoid These Potential Issues<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p dir=\"ltr\">Different circumstances may arise which will compel you to confront someone you see acting harshly or being abusive. You may be a part of the trusted community of the person who is causing harm, and might even be witnessing the toxic behavior first hand. If so, it puts you in the perfect position to confront them.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">You might be friends with both people in the relationship, or may even be a \u2018friend\u2019 of the couple. You may also just be an outsider trying to help the one being harmed.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">If this is you,<span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-1918723668b\">&nbsp;<\/span><strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-1918723668d\">it\u2019s essential<\/span><\/strong> for you to <em>receive permission<\/em> from the victim first before confronting the abuser, because there might be issues of personal safety, risks of emotional or financial retaliation, or other matters that could seriously affect the victim\u2014so you always want to trust that the victim knows best.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Confronting the abuser may end up escalating the violence at home when the abuser blames the victim for your confrontation. Or, it could cause the abuser to retaliate in various overt and\/or covert ways.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">It is important for the victim to be emotionally well prepared for a hostile response, as well as to <a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/help-getting-out-of-abusive-relationships\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">create a safety or exit plan<\/a>, including quietly seeking the advice of a family law attorney before allowing you to confront their partner.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Once you do, prepare yourself for these potential reactions from the abuser.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h3 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-65faa8ac96b535\" style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">How Do Abusers React When Confronted?<br><\/h3><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p dir=\"ltr\">Oftentimes, those who abuse are only partially aware that their verbal interactions with the victim are way out of line with social norms.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Being confronted disrupts their sense of misplaced confidence and can lead to either self-reflection or contrition. Or in contrast, it could also lead to retaliation against you and\/or the victim. If the abuser retaliates and increases harm against the victim, it\u2019s important that you fully align with the one being harmed. Your support at this juncture is crucial.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Let\u2019s take a look at the proper steps for confrontation here:<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h3 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18e5b28bd7f\" style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">The 7 Steps of The Accountability Model of Courage<\/h3><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p dir=\"ltr\">Learning how to confront an emotional abuser (or any other type of abuser) can be intimidating.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">It requires courage and resolve.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">If you don\u2019t possess the proper talking points, you will likely be manipulated by the abuser into prematurely believing that they have changed, that there was never an issue with their behavior to begin with, or that the victim is the true abuser.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">To circumvent this, we created \u201cThe Accountability Model of Courage\u201d to assist you when you interface with abusers\u2014and to help them realize that they need to spend significant time unpacking faulty beliefs and thinking in order to terminate their harmful behaviors.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">This model provides a template for helping the abuser take responsibility and face the reality that their actions are not socially or interpersonally acceptable. Since abusers care a great deal about their public image and how others perceive them, confrontation in some cases can lead to change\u2014especially if the one causing harm is not pathologically entrenched.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h3 dir=\"ltr\" data-css=\"tve-u-18e5b29c946\" class=\"\">1. Face<\/h3><p dir=\"ltr\">When learning how to confront an abuser, the first step to learn is <strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19187257ce1\">FACING<\/span><\/strong>. This is a profound act of conversational confrontation that takes place between you and the person in your community who may be abusive.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Facing begins as a calm, thoughtful, and even-handed conversation about what the abuser needs to recognize: emphasizing the specific abusive behaviors they are engaging in.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">This amounts to challenging them with a steady hand and a strong voice.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">You are helping the abuser to become aware, to think, and to face the reality that what they are doing is obvious to you and harmful and traumatizing to the victim.<\/p><h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\" class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-191872e8854\">2. Own<\/h3><p dir=\"ltr\">Step two, <strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-1918725dd92\">OWNING<\/span><\/strong>, involves the abuser taking responsibility for their distorted belief that their behavior is in any way acceptable.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Ownership is not for the faint of heart\u2014neither for the person helping the abuser to face what they are doing, or for the individual admitting to their acts of abuse.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Owning and its act of acknowledgment requires abusers to fully admit that their behavior is hurting others. Doing less than this is a false owning and doesn\u2019t satisfy this step.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">False owning usually means the ownership they\u2019re displaying is only external, and has not resonated internally for them.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Ultimately, the abuser\u2019s work needs to be deeply self-reflective and open-minded\u2014with an external manifestation of the internal change. This means the abuser, with your prompting and firm expectation, needs to make amends as well as reparations commensurate to the harm caused.<\/p><h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\" class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-191872ea5eb\">3. Resource<\/h3><p dir=\"ltr\">Step four, <strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19187269e4d\">RESOURCING<\/span><\/strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192cf696768\">,<\/span> means that once you have helped an abuser to face and own their abusive behaviors, you offer yourself as an accountability resource.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">When they are willing, this step affirms to them that <em>there is help available to them<\/em>.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\"><strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-1918728b8a0\">ACCOUNTABILITY <\/span><\/strong>involves holding firm boundaries and allowing or facilitating consequences for the damage they have done.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Boundaries are often difficult for abusers to accept, but ultimately it is essential if there is to be hope for an abuser to change.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">This works best when the accountability partner is someone with knowledge of the nature and activity of the abuses occurring, how this particular abuser has enacted that activity, and who is willing to hold them accountable for the changes that need to occur.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Genuine remorse and repentance are not enough. Many abusers apologize, only to return to enacting destructive behaviors soon after. You are looking for true humility and a willingness to make things right\u2014which are signals that an abuser truly understands what they have done and the hurt they have caused, and that they\u2019re willing to make meaningful and tangible reparations.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Additionally, rich resources that can both support the abuser in getting help and serve to uphold the work they need to do to change, include specialized programs that work with abusers on tangible efforts to transform themselves and their faulty thinking and beliefs\u2014such as volunteering to participate in a batterer\u2019s intervention program and <a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/therapist-for-relationships\/\">qualified individual therapy<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">In both of these action steps, the victim needs to be allowed to speak into the situation without the abuser present. Batterer\u2019s programs automatically operate this way. For therapy, the abuser needs to agree to sign a waiver allowing the partner to have unconditional access to the therapist, and for the therapist to be allowed to check in with the one being harmed.<\/p><h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\" class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-191872ec11a\">4. Educate<\/h3><p dir=\"ltr\">Step Four, <strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-1918728ebd4\">EDUCATING<\/span><\/strong>, is important for the abuser to gain clarity about the impact their behaviors have on their partner.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Attitudes of entitlement and double standards, likely learned through early childhood in their familial or cultural upbringing, place the abuser in a hierarchical position.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">They may be conscious or unconscious of their prejudices. It\u2019s important to talk through how these attitudes place the victim in a lesser position that is destructive to their self-worth.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Teach what constitutes abuse. Perhaps show them MEND\u2019s terms and definitions, which define hidden abusive behaviors meant to control conversations and conflicts.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Show the abuser how their dynamics are playing out: defensiveness, stonewalling, and belittling in conversations are the opposite of authentic communication (authentic communication being communication where the victim\u2019s voice is heard and validated).<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">For example, belittling a partner in any way or placing the partner in a downgraded position is abusive. The more you can shine a light on specific abusive behaviors, the more clarity you bring to the situation, and the better chance there will be for an abuser to see how their interactions are harmful.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">One specific area that is important to confront and value when guiding abusers in this manner is the area of bringing awareness to the trauma that their behaviors are causing.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">When abusers repeat abusive behaviors, new triggers are provoked based on the victim\u2019s past traumas. Trauma and its effects are a critical focus for the abuser because they need to recognize that these behaviors will no longer be tolerated by the victim or by you, the accountability partner.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">At the core of educating are efforts demonstrating how the opposite characteristics of the Four Pillars of Abuse will steer the abuser toward healing resources.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">The 4 Pillars of Abuse are:<\/p><ul class=\"\"><li dir=\"ltr\">A faulty belief system<\/li><li dir=\"ltr\">Image management<\/li><li dir=\"ltr\">Entitlement<\/li><li dir=\"ltr\">Cultural, preferential, or hierarchical preferential treatment<\/li><\/ul><p dir=\"ltr\">Learn more about these Pillars of Abuse in this <a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/can-abusers-change\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">Can Abusers Change article<\/a>.<\/p><h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\" class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-191872eddda\">5. Require<\/h3><p dir=\"ltr\">Step five, <strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-191872bfbbb\">REQUIREMENTS<\/span><\/strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192cf69f5a1\">,<\/span> are at the heart of what makes an accountability relationship meaningful (rather than harmful) to the victim.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">As an accountability partner, it is essential that you clarify your relationship expectations with the abuser.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Name&nbsp;<em>specifically what you will and will not accept. <\/em><\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">For example, if you are meeting with the abuser in any capacity, be sure to state that you are there to support them only in their tangible efforts to change.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">If you are socializing with an abuser and are not holding them accountable for their harmful behaviors, you are colluding in the abuse and adding significant trauma to the victim.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">As the abuser takes responsibility for the deep and serious psychological, emotional, and cognitive reworking they must do, if they want their relationship to thrive, they will also need to come to grips with the requirements of what a relationship needs.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">While hundreds of books have been written on the subject, here are just a few of the essential requirements that an abuser needs to accept and learn how to meet:<\/p><ul class=\"\"><li class=\" dir=\" ltr\"\"=\"\">Necessary repairs<\/li><li class=\" dir=\" ltr\"\"=\"\">Building<\/li><li class=\" dir=\" ltr\"\"=\"\">Equality<\/li><li class=\" dir=\" ltr\"\"=\"\">Emotional and physical safety<\/li><li class=\" dir=\" ltr\"\"=\"\">Discovery<\/li><li class=\" dir=\" ltr\"\"=\"\">Mutual respect<\/li><li class=\" dir=\" ltr\"\"=\"\">Reciprocity<\/li><li class=\" dir=\" ltr\"\"=\"\">Individuality<\/li><li class=\" dir=\" ltr\"\"=\"\">Affection<\/li><li class=\" dir=\" ltr\"\"=\"\">Caring attention<\/li><li class=\" dir=\" ltr\"\"=\"\">Support<\/li><li class=\" dir=\" ltr\"\"=\"\">Honesty<\/li><li class=\" dir=\" ltr\"\"=\"\">Pleasure<\/li><li class=\" dir=\" ltr\"\"=\"\">Variety<\/li><li class=\" dir=\" ltr\"\"=\"\">Accountable freedom<\/li><li class=\" dir=\" ltr\"\"=\"\">Protective boundaries<\/li><\/ul><h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\" class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-191872efddd\">6. Determine<\/h3><p dir=\"ltr\"><strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-191872bfbbc\">DETERMINING<\/span><\/strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192cf6a37d5\">,<\/span> the sixth step, is setting a new bar of matching words to actions, which the abuser is not used to experiencing.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">If a couple is separated, for example, and the abuser commits to checking in with their partner at 6:00 p.m. every evening, your role as a healthy accountability partner is to accept nothing less.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Checking in at 6:15, for example, is not matching words to actions. Instead, it\u2019s an act that shows a lack of respect for their partner\u2019s valuable time. If something legitimate comes up, making it impossible to call at the appropriate time, for example, then the abuser needs to text in advance explaining the problem and ASKING politely if a later time will be doable for the partner.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Abusers are boundary breakers. And as the accountability partner, it\u2019s essential that you clarify that you will not play any part in the relationship if the abuser does not fully keep their commitments.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">To accept less or to give credence to justifications is colluding in the abuse and is traumatizing to the victim.&nbsp;<\/p><h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18e5b2a786d\" class=\"\">7. Confront<\/h3><p dir=\"ltr\">Finally, <strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-191872ca303\">CONFRONTING<\/span><\/strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-191872ca305\">&nbsp;<\/span>outcomes involves recognizing, analyzing, and going through the steps again.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">You are there to cautiously celebrate their progress and firmly address failures, while being mindful of the possibility that the abuser may need to reset their efforts and start at the beginning.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">To start over requires owning, repairing, and fully facing consequences. While supporting and being there for victims is critical, a topic we similarly break down into steps in our blog post on the Healing Model of Compassion, confronting abusers is also a necessary step\u2014especially when there is abuse in a marriage or between family members who want to work things out.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-65faa8ac96b4b6\" style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">Conclusion<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p dir=\"ltr\">Healing cannot fully occur if the abuser does not enact change.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">The <em>Accountability Model of Courage<\/em> helps the abuser to feel social pressure to mend their behaviors and their relationships while also receiving support in their tangible efforts of change.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">We highly encourage you to share this resource with anyone you know who regularly interacts with abusers. You may also want to encourage them to enroll in our full <a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/mend-trainings\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">training curriculum<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">We would also like to point you toward information about Original Abuse and <a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/double-abuse\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">Double Abuse\u00ae<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">We\u2019re here to help and want the very best for you.&nbsp;<\/p><\/div>","tve_custom_css":"@media (min-width: 300px){:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-65faa8ac96b4b6\"] { color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; --tve-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-65faa8ac96b535\"] { color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; --tve-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; text-transform: none !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] 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