{"id":8572,"date":"2021-04-06T04:45:00","date_gmt":"2021-04-06T11:45:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/?p=8572"},"modified":"2025-06-27T07:02:06","modified_gmt":"2025-06-27T14:02:06","slug":"what-to-say-to-victims-of-abuse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/es\/what-to-say-to-victims-of-abuse\/","title":{"rendered":"A Guide on What to Say (and Not Say) to Victims of Abuse"},"content":{"rendered":"<p dir=\"ltr\">What do I say when someone I know shares their experience of abuse with me?&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">This is an important question that we are going to answer today.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">In this guide, we will cover:&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"\"><span>Why your response to a victim matters so much&nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"\"><span>How not to respond when a victim confides in you&nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"\"><span>The correct way to respond, with examples of what to say to help them heal&nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">\u00a1Vamos a sumergirnos en ello!.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2>Why It Matters What You Say: The Victim\u2019s Experience&nbsp;<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Within an abusive relationship, a victim\u2019s emotions have been regularly dismissed, denigrated, and invalidated by their abuser.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Validation is so important to the healing process for a victim of abuse.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Often, various covert tactics have been used frequently and systematically by the abuser.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">These hidden, manipulative behaviors include:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"\"><span><a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/es\/gaslighting\/\" style=\"outline: none;\">Gaslighting<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"\"><span><a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/es\/is-lying-abuse\/\" style=\"outline: none;\">Lying<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"\"><span><a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/es\/dismissive-behavior-in-relationships\/\" style=\"outline: none;\">Dismissing<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span><a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/es\/minimizacion\/\" style=\"outline: none;\">Minimizing<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p dir=\"ltr\"><strong>This wreaks havoc on a victim\u2019s sense of self-worth, identity, and dignity. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">The result?<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Victims learn to carry significant self-doubt and confusion.<\/strong>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">They often question their own reality and sanity. They have consistently been denied the freedom to express themselves through their voice.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Thus, validation is an essential first step toward healing, fortifying a victim\u2019s self-identity, and reinstating their voice.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Why do many people respond to victims in ways that harm them?<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Most people don\u2019t know what to say.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">And the topic of abuse can be uncomfortable.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Unfortunately, this means that many people, including professionals, respond in a harmful and invalidating way, further exacerbating the victim\u2019s trauma.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">The MEND Project calls this harmful response to the victims of abuse \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/es\/abuso-doble\/\" style=\"outline: none;\">Abuso doble<\/a>.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Now, let\u2019s consider some examples of what not to say or do when a victim opens up to you.<\/p>\n<h2>What Not to Do<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">When a victim reaches out for help and bravely disclose their situation of abuse to a friend, family, therapist, or other type of responder, they are often not validated.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Instead, they are doubted, disbelieved, diminished, shunned, or blamed for the conflict they are experiencing.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Here are three ways this is done:<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">Do Not Respond With Ignorance<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Too many people trying to help victims, including professionals, have insufficient knowledge <a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/es\/abuso-emocional\/\" target=\"_blank\">about emotional abuse<\/a> to understand and be able to recognize the <a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/es\/how-can-i-know-if-its-abuse\/\" style=\"outline: none;\">signs of abuse<\/a> and trauma.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Instead of recognizing the signs, they misread the victim\u2019s emotions, shaking, anger, or difficulty expressing themselves to mean they are unstable or not telling the truth. Far too often, their ignorance leads them to wrongly conclude that perhaps the victim is the real problem.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">This is devastating to the victim, further harming them and exacerbating their trauma.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Education will help you validate a victim in your care.<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">Do Not Defend Or Protect the Abuser<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Often, the victim reaches out to family or friends who know the couple. They might not feel comfortable validating the victim&#8217;s emotions because they feel they should protect the abuser, not get involved, or simply can\u2019t identify their friend as an abuser.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">They can\u2019t imagine their friend treating their partner as the victim expresses it.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">They might say:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"\"><span>\u201cWell, I\u2019ve known them for years and have never seen them do that.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"\"><span>\u201cThat doesn\u2019t sound like something they would say.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"\"><span>\u201cIt must be a misunderstanding!\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">These responses not only harm the victim, but they embolden the abuser, who is left without accountability for their actions or confrontation for the harm they cause.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">On the other hand, providing much-needed validation is easy and will go a long way toward helping the victim.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">The bottom line is you can validate the victim\u2019s sharing of their experience in the relationship regardless of whether you know for sure their partner is abusive.<\/p>\n<span style=\"display:none\" class=\"tl-placeholder-f-type-shortcode_7330\"><\/span>\n<h3 style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">Do Not Minimize The Victim\u2019s Experience<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Many people don\u2019t know what to say when a victim opens up. They are very uncomfortable with the topic and the victim\u2019s distress.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">So, they attempt to make themselves and the victim feel better by minimizing the issues being represented.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">For example, they may say:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"\"><span>\u201cI\u2019m sure he didn\u2019t mean it that way.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"\"><span>\u201cMaybe you just misunderstood.\u201d&nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"\"><span>\u201cAre you sure you\u2019re not overreacting?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"\"><span>\u201cYou know they love you; I\u2019m sure they didn\u2019t mean any harm by it.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Turn unhelpful responses into healing ones. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Rather than approaching the victim through doubting and questioning, <em>showing care for the victim\u2019s distress goes a long way in validating them.<\/em><\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">The easiest and best way to deal with these emotions and your discomfort is simply to listen.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Take yourself off the hook and remember you aren\u2019t required to be the expert and give advice.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Giving unwanted advice is the same as speaking down to the victim as though you know what\u2019s best.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Victims have already endured months or years being spoken down to, so that\u2019s the opposite of what they truly need.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Let\u2019s look at the most helpful, healing way to respond when a victim opens up and shares their experience with you.<\/p>\n<h2>What to Say to Victims of Abuse<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">What are helpful and healing ways to respond to a victim of abuse?<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Acknowledge their feelings.<\/strong>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">This can look like:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"\"><span>\u201cYou have every reason to feel the way you feel.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"\"><span>\u201cYou don\u2019t deserve to be treated like that.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"\"><span>\u201cI\u2019m honored that you felt comfortable to share with me.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"\"><span>Look them in the eyes with care and say, \u201cI would feel the same way.\u201d&nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">When we validate a victim\u2019s expression, we honor, affirm, and respect them.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">The victim feels seen and heard, something they likely have not felt in a long time, which helps them to remember their value.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Emotional validation is the process of learning, understanding, and accepting the other person\u2019s emotional experience.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">To validate their emotional experience, you do not need to understand it, agree with it, or know the facts behind it. Their emotional experience is theirs. This is the time to listen over and over again.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>The MEND Project\u2019s<a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/es\/how-to-help-abuse-victims\/\" style=\"outline: none;\"> Modelo de curaci\u00f3n de la compasi\u00f3n<\/a> gives clear steps for responding to victims to validate and empower them.<\/p>\n<h2>Conclusi\u00f3n<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">When we allow painful feelings to be expressed, acknowledged, and validated by another person, these feelings will eventually diminish.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Give them space and time to speak while you listen without interruption.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Nod your head in acceptance of their words. Let them know you are there for them.<\/p>\n<p><em>All you need to do<\/em> is listen and allow the victim a safe place to process and unravel their confusing situation.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What do I say when someone I know shares their experience of abuse with me?&nbsp; This is an important question that we are going to answer today.&nbsp; In this guide, we will cover:&nbsp; Why your response to a victim matters so much&nbsp; How not to respond when a victim confides in you&nbsp; The correct way [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":8576,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","tve_updated_post":"<div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-page-section tve-height-update\">\n\t<div class=\"tve-page-section-out\"><\/div>\n\t<div class=\"tve-page-section-in tve_empty_dropzone\" data-css=\"tve-u-6718e1a8e39da0\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-6718e1a8e39de0\"><p dir=\"ltr\">What do I say when someone I know shares their experience of abuse with me?&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">This is an important question that we are going to answer today.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">In this guide, we will cover:&nbsp;<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-styled_list\" data-icon-code=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93adbbf\" style=\"\"><ul class=\"tcb-styled-list\"><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93adbc1\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-local-vars-root tcb-icon-display\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93adbc2\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M512 199.652c0 23.625-20.65 43.826-44.8 43.826h-99.851c16.34 17.048 18.346 49.766-6.299 70.944 14.288 22.829 2.147 53.017-16.45 62.315C353.574 425.878 322.654 448 272 448c-2.746 0-13.276-.203-16-.195-61.971.168-76.894-31.065-123.731-38.315C120.596 407.683 112 397.599 112 385.786V214.261l.002-.001c.011-18.366 10.607-35.889 28.464-43.845 28.886-12.994 95.413-49.038 107.534-77.323 7.797-18.194 21.384-29.084 40-29.092 34.222-.014 57.752 35.098 44.119 66.908-3.583 8.359-8.312 16.67-14.153 24.918H467.2c23.45 0 44.8 20.543 44.8 43.826zM96 200v192c0 13.255-10.745 24-24 24H24c-13.255 0-24-10.745-24-24V200c0-13.255 10.745-24 24-24h48c13.255 0 24 10.745 24 24zM68 368c0-11.046-8.954-20-20-20s-20 8.954-20 20 8.954 20 20 20 20-8.954 20-20z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93adbc3\">Why your response to a victim matters so much&nbsp;<\/span><\/li><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93adbc5\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-icon-display tcb-local-vars-root\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93adbc6\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M512 199.652c0 23.625-20.65 43.826-44.8 43.826h-99.851c16.34 17.048 18.346 49.766-6.299 70.944 14.288 22.829 2.147 53.017-16.45 62.315C353.574 425.878 322.654 448 272 448c-2.746 0-13.276-.203-16-.195-61.971.168-76.894-31.065-123.731-38.315C120.596 407.683 112 397.599 112 385.786V214.261l.002-.001c.011-18.366 10.607-35.889 28.464-43.845 28.886-12.994 95.413-49.038 107.534-77.323 7.797-18.194 21.384-29.084 40-29.092 34.222-.014 57.752 35.098 44.119 66.908-3.583 8.359-8.312 16.67-14.153 24.918H467.2c23.45 0 44.8 20.543 44.8 43.826zM96 200v192c0 13.255-10.745 24-24 24H24c-13.255 0-24-10.745-24-24V200c0-13.255 10.745-24 24-24h48c13.255 0 24 10.745 24 24zM68 368c0-11.046-8.954-20-20-20s-20 8.954-20 20 8.954 20 20 20 20-8.954 20-20z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93adbc7\">How not to respond when a victim confides in you&nbsp;<\/span><\/li><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93adbc9\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-icon-display tcb-local-vars-root\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93adbca\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M512 199.652c0 23.625-20.65 43.826-44.8 43.826h-99.851c16.34 17.048 18.346 49.766-6.299 70.944 14.288 22.829 2.147 53.017-16.45 62.315C353.574 425.878 322.654 448 272 448c-2.746 0-13.276-.203-16-.195-61.971.168-76.894-31.065-123.731-38.315C120.596 407.683 112 397.599 112 385.786V214.261l.002-.001c.011-18.366 10.607-35.889 28.464-43.845 28.886-12.994 95.413-49.038 107.534-77.323 7.797-18.194 21.384-29.084 40-29.092 34.222-.014 57.752 35.098 44.119 66.908-3.583 8.359-8.312 16.67-14.153 24.918H467.2c23.45 0 44.8 20.543 44.8 43.826zM96 200v192c0 13.255-10.745 24-24 24H24c-13.255 0-24-10.745-24-24V200c0-13.255 10.745-24 24-24h48c13.255 0 24 10.745 24 24zM68 368c0-11.046-8.954-20-20-20s-20 8.954-20 20 8.954 20 20 20 20-8.954 20-20z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93adbcb\">The correct way to respond, with examples of what to say to help them heal&nbsp;<\/span><\/li><\/ul><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-6718e1a8e39de0\"><p dir=\"ltr\">Let\u2019s dive in.&nbsp;<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-6718e1a8e39eb8\">Why It Matters What You Say: The Victim\u2019s Experience&nbsp;<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p dir=\"ltr\">Within an abusive relationship, a victim\u2019s emotions have been regularly dismissed, denigrated, and invalidated by their abuser.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Validation is so important to the healing process for a victim of abuse.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Often, various covert tactics have been used frequently and systematically by the abuser.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">These hidden, manipulative behaviors include:<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-styled_list\" data-icon-code=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93a3f74\" style=\"\"><ul class=\"tcb-styled-list\"><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93a3f75\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-local-vars-root tcb-icon-display\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93a3f77\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M512 199.652c0 23.625-20.65 43.826-44.8 43.826h-99.851c16.34 17.048 18.346 49.766-6.299 70.944 14.288 22.829 2.147 53.017-16.45 62.315C353.574 425.878 322.654 448 272 448c-2.746 0-13.276-.203-16-.195-61.971.168-76.894-31.065-123.731-38.315C120.596 407.683 112 397.599 112 385.786V214.261l.002-.001c.011-18.366 10.607-35.889 28.464-43.845 28.886-12.994 95.413-49.038 107.534-77.323 7.797-18.194 21.384-29.084 40-29.092 34.222-.014 57.752 35.098 44.119 66.908-3.583 8.359-8.312 16.67-14.153 24.918H467.2c23.45 0 44.8 20.543 44.8 43.826zM96 200v192c0 13.255-10.745 24-24 24H24c-13.255 0-24-10.745-24-24V200c0-13.255 10.745-24 24-24h48c13.255 0 24 10.745 24 24zM68 368c0-11.046-8.954-20-20-20s-20 8.954-20 20 8.954 20 20 20 20-8.954 20-20z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93a3f78\"><a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/gaslighting\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93a3f79\">Gaslighting<\/a><\/span><\/li><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93a3f7b\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-icon-display tcb-local-vars-root\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93a3f7c\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M512 199.652c0 23.625-20.65 43.826-44.8 43.826h-99.851c16.34 17.048 18.346 49.766-6.299 70.944 14.288 22.829 2.147 53.017-16.45 62.315C353.574 425.878 322.654 448 272 448c-2.746 0-13.276-.203-16-.195-61.971.168-76.894-31.065-123.731-38.315C120.596 407.683 112 397.599 112 385.786V214.261l.002-.001c.011-18.366 10.607-35.889 28.464-43.845 28.886-12.994 95.413-49.038 107.534-77.323 7.797-18.194 21.384-29.084 40-29.092 34.222-.014 57.752 35.098 44.119 66.908-3.583 8.359-8.312 16.67-14.153 24.918H467.2c23.45 0 44.8 20.543 44.8 43.826zM96 200v192c0 13.255-10.745 24-24 24H24c-13.255 0-24-10.745-24-24V200c0-13.255 10.745-24 24-24h48c13.255 0 24 10.745 24 24zM68 368c0-11.046-8.954-20-20-20s-20 8.954-20 20 8.954 20 20 20 20-8.954 20-20z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93a3f7d\"><a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/is-lying-abuse\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93a3f7e\">Lying<\/a><\/span><\/li><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93a3f80\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-icon-display tcb-local-vars-root\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93a3f81\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M512 199.652c0 23.625-20.65 43.826-44.8 43.826h-99.851c16.34 17.048 18.346 49.766-6.299 70.944 14.288 22.829 2.147 53.017-16.45 62.315C353.574 425.878 322.654 448 272 448c-2.746 0-13.276-.203-16-.195-61.971.168-76.894-31.065-123.731-38.315C120.596 407.683 112 397.599 112 385.786V214.261l.002-.001c.011-18.366 10.607-35.889 28.464-43.845 28.886-12.994 95.413-49.038 107.534-77.323 7.797-18.194 21.384-29.084 40-29.092 34.222-.014 57.752 35.098 44.119 66.908-3.583 8.359-8.312 16.67-14.153 24.918H467.2c23.45 0 44.8 20.543 44.8 43.826zM96 200v192c0 13.255-10.745 24-24 24H24c-13.255 0-24-10.745-24-24V200c0-13.255 10.745-24 24-24h48c13.255 0 24 10.745 24 24zM68 368c0-11.046-8.954-20-20-20s-20 8.954-20 20 8.954 20 20 20 20-8.954 20-20z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93a3f82\"><a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/dismissive-behavior-in-relationships\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93a3f84\">Dismissing<\/a><br><\/span><\/li><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93a3f85\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93a3f86\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M512 199.652c0 23.625-20.65 43.826-44.8 43.826h-99.851c16.34 17.048 18.346 49.766-6.299 70.944 14.288 22.829 2.147 53.017-16.45 62.315C353.574 425.878 322.654 448 272 448c-2.746 0-13.276-.203-16-.195-61.971.168-76.894-31.065-123.731-38.315C120.596 407.683 112 397.599 112 385.786V214.261l.002-.001c.011-18.366 10.607-35.889 28.464-43.845 28.886-12.994 95.413-49.038 107.534-77.323 7.797-18.194 21.384-29.084 40-29.092 34.222-.014 57.752 35.098 44.119 66.908-3.583 8.359-8.312 16.67-14.153 24.918H467.2c23.45 0 44.8 20.543 44.8 43.826zM96 200v192c0 13.255-10.745 24-24 24H24c-13.255 0-24-10.745-24-24V200c0-13.255 10.745-24 24-24h48c13.255 0 24 10.745 24 24zM68 368c0-11.046-8.954-20-20-20s-20 8.954-20 20 8.954 20 20 20 20-8.954 20-20z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93a3f87\"><a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/minimization\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93a3f89\">Minimizing<\/a><\/span><\/li><\/ul><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p dir=\"ltr\"><strong>This wreaks havoc on a victim\u2019s sense of self-worth, identity, and dignity. <\/strong><\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">The result?<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Victims learn to carry significant self-doubt and confusion.<\/strong>&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">They often question their own reality and sanity. They have consistently been denied the freedom to express themselves through their voice.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Thus, validation is an essential first step toward healing, fortifying a victim\u2019s self-identity, and reinstating their voice.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Why do many people respond to victims in ways that harm them?<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Most people don\u2019t know what to say.<\/strong><\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">And the topic of abuse can be uncomfortable.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Unfortunately, this means that many people, including professionals, respond in a harmful and invalidating way, further exacerbating the victim\u2019s trauma.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">The MEND Project calls this harmful response to the victims of abuse \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/double-abuse\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b938a409\">Double Abuse<\/a>.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Now, let\u2019s consider some examples of what not to say or do when a victim opens up to you.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-6718e1a8e39eb8\">What Not to Do<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p dir=\"ltr\">When a victim reaches out for help and bravely disclose their situation of abuse to a friend, family, therapist, or other type of responder, they are often not validated.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Instead, they are doubted, disbelieved, diminished, shunned, or blamed for the conflict they are experiencing.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Here are three ways this is done:<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h3 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-6718e1a8e39ec8\" style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">Do Not Respond With Ignorance<\/h3><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p dir=\"ltr\">Too many people trying to help victims, including professionals, have insufficient knowledge <a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/emotional-abuse\/\" target=\"_blank\">about emotional abuse<\/a> to understand and be able to recognize the <a href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/how-can-i-know-if-its-abuse\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">signs of abuse<\/a> and trauma.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Instead of recognizing the signs, they misread the victim\u2019s emotions, shaking, anger, or difficulty expressing themselves to mean they are unstable or not telling the truth. Far too often, their ignorance leads them to wrongly conclude that perhaps the victim is the real problem.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">This is devastating to the victim, further harming them and exacerbating their trauma.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Education will help you validate a victim in your care.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h3 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-6718e1a8e39ec8\" style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">Do Not Defend Or Protect the Abuser<\/h3><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p dir=\"ltr\">Often, the victim reaches out to family or friends who know the couple. They might not feel comfortable validating the victim's emotions because they feel they should protect the abuser, not get involved, or simply can\u2019t identify their friend as an abuser.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">They can\u2019t imagine their friend treating their partner as the victim expresses it.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">They might say:<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-styled_list\" data-icon-code=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93ef1e8\" style=\"\"><ul class=\"tcb-styled-list\"><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93ef1ea\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-local-vars-root tcb-icon-display\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93ef1eb\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M512 199.652c0 23.625-20.65 43.826-44.8 43.826h-99.851c16.34 17.048 18.346 49.766-6.299 70.944 14.288 22.829 2.147 53.017-16.45 62.315C353.574 425.878 322.654 448 272 448c-2.746 0-13.276-.203-16-.195-61.971.168-76.894-31.065-123.731-38.315C120.596 407.683 112 397.599 112 385.786V214.261l.002-.001c.011-18.366 10.607-35.889 28.464-43.845 28.886-12.994 95.413-49.038 107.534-77.323 7.797-18.194 21.384-29.084 40-29.092 34.222-.014 57.752 35.098 44.119 66.908-3.583 8.359-8.312 16.67-14.153 24.918H467.2c23.45 0 44.8 20.543 44.8 43.826zM96 200v192c0 13.255-10.745 24-24 24H24c-13.255 0-24-10.745-24-24V200c0-13.255 10.745-24 24-24h48c13.255 0 24 10.745 24 24zM68 368c0-11.046-8.954-20-20-20s-20 8.954-20 20 8.954 20 20 20 20-8.954 20-20z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93ef1ed\">\u201cWell, I\u2019ve known them for years and have never seen them do that.\u201d<\/span><\/li><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93ef1ee\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-icon-display tcb-local-vars-root\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93ef1f0\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M512 199.652c0 23.625-20.65 43.826-44.8 43.826h-99.851c16.34 17.048 18.346 49.766-6.299 70.944 14.288 22.829 2.147 53.017-16.45 62.315C353.574 425.878 322.654 448 272 448c-2.746 0-13.276-.203-16-.195-61.971.168-76.894-31.065-123.731-38.315C120.596 407.683 112 397.599 112 385.786V214.261l.002-.001c.011-18.366 10.607-35.889 28.464-43.845 28.886-12.994 95.413-49.038 107.534-77.323 7.797-18.194 21.384-29.084 40-29.092 34.222-.014 57.752 35.098 44.119 66.908-3.583 8.359-8.312 16.67-14.153 24.918H467.2c23.45 0 44.8 20.543 44.8 43.826zM96 200v192c0 13.255-10.745 24-24 24H24c-13.255 0-24-10.745-24-24V200c0-13.255 10.745-24 24-24h48c13.255 0 24 10.745 24 24zM68 368c0-11.046-8.954-20-20-20s-20 8.954-20 20 8.954 20 20 20 20-8.954 20-20z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93ef1f1\">\u201cThat doesn\u2019t sound like something they would say.\u201d<\/span><\/li><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93ef1f2\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-icon-display tcb-local-vars-root\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93ef1f4\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M512 199.652c0 23.625-20.65 43.826-44.8 43.826h-99.851c16.34 17.048 18.346 49.766-6.299 70.944 14.288 22.829 2.147 53.017-16.45 62.315C353.574 425.878 322.654 448 272 448c-2.746 0-13.276-.203-16-.195-61.971.168-76.894-31.065-123.731-38.315C120.596 407.683 112 397.599 112 385.786V214.261l.002-.001c.011-18.366 10.607-35.889 28.464-43.845 28.886-12.994 95.413-49.038 107.534-77.323 7.797-18.194 21.384-29.084 40-29.092 34.222-.014 57.752 35.098 44.119 66.908-3.583 8.359-8.312 16.67-14.153 24.918H467.2c23.45 0 44.8 20.543 44.8 43.826zM96 200v192c0 13.255-10.745 24-24 24H24c-13.255 0-24-10.745-24-24V200c0-13.255 10.745-24 24-24h48c13.255 0 24 10.745 24 24zM68 368c0-11.046-8.954-20-20-20s-20 8.954-20 20 8.954 20 20 20 20-8.954 20-20z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b93ef1f5\">\u201cIt must be a misunderstanding!\u201d<\/span><\/li><\/ul><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p dir=\"ltr\">These responses not only harm the victim, but they embolden the abuser, who is left without accountability for their actions or confrontation for the harm they cause.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">On the other hand, providing much-needed validation is easy and will go a long way toward helping the victim.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">The bottom line is you can validate the victim\u2019s sharing of their experience in the relationship regardless of whether you know for sure their partner is abusive.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_wp_shortcode\"><div class=\"tve_shortcode_raw\" style=\"display: none\">___TVE_SHORTCODE_RAW__&lt;p&gt;[thrive_leads id='7330']&lt;\/p&gt;__TVE_SHORTCODE_RAW___<\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h3 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-6718e1a8e39ec8\" style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">Do Not Minimize The Victim\u2019s Experience<\/h3><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p dir=\"ltr\">Many people don\u2019t know what to say when a victim opens up. They are very uncomfortable with the topic and the victim\u2019s distress.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">So, they attempt to make themselves and the victim feel better by minimizing the issues being represented.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">For example, they may say:<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-styled_list\" data-icon-code=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b9409bfe\" style=\"\"><ul class=\"tcb-styled-list\"><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b9409c00\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-local-vars-root tcb-icon-display\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b9409c02\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M512 199.652c0 23.625-20.65 43.826-44.8 43.826h-99.851c16.34 17.048 18.346 49.766-6.299 70.944 14.288 22.829 2.147 53.017-16.45 62.315C353.574 425.878 322.654 448 272 448c-2.746 0-13.276-.203-16-.195-61.971.168-76.894-31.065-123.731-38.315C120.596 407.683 112 397.599 112 385.786V214.261l.002-.001c.011-18.366 10.607-35.889 28.464-43.845 28.886-12.994 95.413-49.038 107.534-77.323 7.797-18.194 21.384-29.084 40-29.092 34.222-.014 57.752 35.098 44.119 66.908-3.583 8.359-8.312 16.67-14.153 24.918H467.2c23.45 0 44.8 20.543 44.8 43.826zM96 200v192c0 13.255-10.745 24-24 24H24c-13.255 0-24-10.745-24-24V200c0-13.255 10.745-24 24-24h48c13.255 0 24 10.745 24 24zM68 368c0-11.046-8.954-20-20-20s-20 8.954-20 20 8.954 20 20 20 20-8.954 20-20z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b9409c03\">\u201cI\u2019m sure he didn\u2019t mean it that way.\u201d<\/span><\/li><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b9409c04\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-icon-display tcb-local-vars-root\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b9409c06\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M512 199.652c0 23.625-20.65 43.826-44.8 43.826h-99.851c16.34 17.048 18.346 49.766-6.299 70.944 14.288 22.829 2.147 53.017-16.45 62.315C353.574 425.878 322.654 448 272 448c-2.746 0-13.276-.203-16-.195-61.971.168-76.894-31.065-123.731-38.315C120.596 407.683 112 397.599 112 385.786V214.261l.002-.001c.011-18.366 10.607-35.889 28.464-43.845 28.886-12.994 95.413-49.038 107.534-77.323 7.797-18.194 21.384-29.084 40-29.092 34.222-.014 57.752 35.098 44.119 66.908-3.583 8.359-8.312 16.67-14.153 24.918H467.2c23.45 0 44.8 20.543 44.8 43.826zM96 200v192c0 13.255-10.745 24-24 24H24c-13.255 0-24-10.745-24-24V200c0-13.255 10.745-24 24-24h48c13.255 0 24 10.745 24 24zM68 368c0-11.046-8.954-20-20-20s-20 8.954-20 20 8.954 20 20 20 20-8.954 20-20z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b9409c07\">\u201cMaybe you just misunderstood.\u201d&nbsp;<\/span><\/li><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b9409c09\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-icon-display tcb-local-vars-root\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b9409c0a\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M512 199.652c0 23.625-20.65 43.826-44.8 43.826h-99.851c16.34 17.048 18.346 49.766-6.299 70.944 14.288 22.829 2.147 53.017-16.45 62.315C353.574 425.878 322.654 448 272 448c-2.746 0-13.276-.203-16-.195-61.971.168-76.894-31.065-123.731-38.315C120.596 407.683 112 397.599 112 385.786V214.261l.002-.001c.011-18.366 10.607-35.889 28.464-43.845 28.886-12.994 95.413-49.038 107.534-77.323 7.797-18.194 21.384-29.084 40-29.092 34.222-.014 57.752 35.098 44.119 66.908-3.583 8.359-8.312 16.67-14.153 24.918H467.2c23.45 0 44.8 20.543 44.8 43.826zM96 200v192c0 13.255-10.745 24-24 24H24c-13.255 0-24-10.745-24-24V200c0-13.255 10.745-24 24-24h48c13.255 0 24 10.745 24 24zM68 368c0-11.046-8.954-20-20-20s-20 8.954-20 20 8.954 20 20 20 20-8.954 20-20z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b9409c0b\">\u201cAre you sure you\u2019re not overreacting?\u201d<\/span><\/li><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b9409c0d\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-icon-display tcb-local-vars-root\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b9409c0e\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M512 199.652c0 23.625-20.65 43.826-44.8 43.826h-99.851c16.34 17.048 18.346 49.766-6.299 70.944 14.288 22.829 2.147 53.017-16.45 62.315C353.574 425.878 322.654 448 272 448c-2.746 0-13.276-.203-16-.195-61.971.168-76.894-31.065-123.731-38.315C120.596 407.683 112 397.599 112 385.786V214.261l.002-.001c.011-18.366 10.607-35.889 28.464-43.845 28.886-12.994 95.413-49.038 107.534-77.323 7.797-18.194 21.384-29.084 40-29.092 34.222-.014 57.752 35.098 44.119 66.908-3.583 8.359-8.312 16.67-14.153 24.918H467.2c23.45 0 44.8 20.543 44.8 43.826zM96 200v192c0 13.255-10.745 24-24 24H24c-13.255 0-24-10.745-24-24V200c0-13.255 10.745-24 24-24h48c13.255 0 24 10.745 24 24zM68 368c0-11.046-8.954-20-20-20s-20 8.954-20 20 8.954 20 20 20 20-8.954 20-20z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b9409c10\">\u201cYou know they love you; I\u2019m sure they didn\u2019t mean any harm by it.\u201d<\/span><\/li><\/ul><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Turn unhelpful responses into healing ones. <\/strong><\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Rather than approaching the victim through doubting and questioning, <em>showing care for the victim\u2019s distress goes a long way in validating them.<\/em><\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">The easiest and best way to deal with these emotions and your discomfort is simply to listen.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Take yourself off the hook and remember you aren\u2019t required to be the expert and give advice.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Giving unwanted advice is the same as speaking down to the victim as though you know what\u2019s best.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Victims have already endured months or years being spoken down to, so that\u2019s the opposite of what they truly need.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Let\u2019s look at the most helpful, healing way to respond when a victim opens up and shares their experience with you.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-6718e1a8e39eb8\">What to Say to Victims of Abuse<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p dir=\"ltr\">What are helpful and healing ways to respond to a victim of abuse?<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Acknowledge their feelings.<\/strong>&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">This can look like:<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-styled_list\" data-icon-code=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b935ed1b\" style=\"\"><ul class=\"tcb-styled-list\"><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b935ed1d\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-local-vars-root tcb-icon-display\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b935ed1e\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M512 199.652c0 23.625-20.65 43.826-44.8 43.826h-99.851c16.34 17.048 18.346 49.766-6.299 70.944 14.288 22.829 2.147 53.017-16.45 62.315C353.574 425.878 322.654 448 272 448c-2.746 0-13.276-.203-16-.195-61.971.168-76.894-31.065-123.731-38.315C120.596 407.683 112 397.599 112 385.786V214.261l.002-.001c.011-18.366 10.607-35.889 28.464-43.845 28.886-12.994 95.413-49.038 107.534-77.323 7.797-18.194 21.384-29.084 40-29.092 34.222-.014 57.752 35.098 44.119 66.908-3.583 8.359-8.312 16.67-14.153 24.918H467.2c23.45 0 44.8 20.543 44.8 43.826zM96 200v192c0 13.255-10.745 24-24 24H24c-13.255 0-24-10.745-24-24V200c0-13.255 10.745-24 24-24h48c13.255 0 24 10.745 24 24zM68 368c0-11.046-8.954-20-20-20s-20 8.954-20 20 8.954 20 20 20 20-8.954 20-20z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b935ed1f\">\u201cYou have every reason to feel the way you feel.\u201d<\/span><\/li><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b935ed20\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-icon-display tcb-local-vars-root\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b935ed22\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M512 199.652c0 23.625-20.65 43.826-44.8 43.826h-99.851c16.34 17.048 18.346 49.766-6.299 70.944 14.288 22.829 2.147 53.017-16.45 62.315C353.574 425.878 322.654 448 272 448c-2.746 0-13.276-.203-16-.195-61.971.168-76.894-31.065-123.731-38.315C120.596 407.683 112 397.599 112 385.786V214.261l.002-.001c.011-18.366 10.607-35.889 28.464-43.845 28.886-12.994 95.413-49.038 107.534-77.323 7.797-18.194 21.384-29.084 40-29.092 34.222-.014 57.752 35.098 44.119 66.908-3.583 8.359-8.312 16.67-14.153 24.918H467.2c23.45 0 44.8 20.543 44.8 43.826zM96 200v192c0 13.255-10.745 24-24 24H24c-13.255 0-24-10.745-24-24V200c0-13.255 10.745-24 24-24h48c13.255 0 24 10.745 24 24zM68 368c0-11.046-8.954-20-20-20s-20 8.954-20 20 8.954 20 20 20 20-8.954 20-20z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b935ed23\">\u201cYou don\u2019t deserve to be treated like that.\u201d<\/span><\/li><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b935ed24\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-icon-display tcb-local-vars-root\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b935ed25\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M512 199.652c0 23.625-20.65 43.826-44.8 43.826h-99.851c16.34 17.048 18.346 49.766-6.299 70.944 14.288 22.829 2.147 53.017-16.45 62.315C353.574 425.878 322.654 448 272 448c-2.746 0-13.276-.203-16-.195-61.971.168-76.894-31.065-123.731-38.315C120.596 407.683 112 397.599 112 385.786V214.261l.002-.001c.011-18.366 10.607-35.889 28.464-43.845 28.886-12.994 95.413-49.038 107.534-77.323 7.797-18.194 21.384-29.084 40-29.092 34.222-.014 57.752 35.098 44.119 66.908-3.583 8.359-8.312 16.67-14.153 24.918H467.2c23.45 0 44.8 20.543 44.8 43.826zM96 200v192c0 13.255-10.745 24-24 24H24c-13.255 0-24-10.745-24-24V200c0-13.255 10.745-24 24-24h48c13.255 0 24 10.745 24 24zM68 368c0-11.046-8.954-20-20-20s-20 8.954-20 20 8.954 20 20 20 20-8.954 20-20z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b935ed27\">\u201cI\u2019m honored that you felt comfortable to share with me.\u201d<\/span><\/li><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b935ed24\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-icon-display tcb-local-vars-root\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b935ed25\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M512 199.652c0 23.625-20.65 43.826-44.8 43.826h-99.851c16.34 17.048 18.346 49.766-6.299 70.944 14.288 22.829 2.147 53.017-16.45 62.315C353.574 425.878 322.654 448 272 448c-2.746 0-13.276-.203-16-.195-61.971.168-76.894-31.065-123.731-38.315C120.596 407.683 112 397.599 112 385.786V214.261l.002-.001c.011-18.366 10.607-35.889 28.464-43.845 28.886-12.994 95.413-49.038 107.534-77.323 7.797-18.194 21.384-29.084 40-29.092 34.222-.014 57.752 35.098 44.119 66.908-3.583 8.359-8.312 16.67-14.153 24.918H467.2c23.45 0 44.8 20.543 44.8 43.826zM96 200v192c0 13.255-10.745 24-24 24H24c-13.255 0-24-10.745-24-24V200c0-13.255 10.745-24 24-24h48c13.255 0 24 10.745 24 24zM68 368c0-11.046-8.954-20-20-20s-20 8.954-20 20 8.954 20 20 20 20-8.954 20-20z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b935ed27\">Look them in the eyes with care and say, \u201cI would feel the same way.\u201d&nbsp;<\/span><\/li><\/ul><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p dir=\"ltr\">When we validate a victim\u2019s expression, we honor, affirm, and respect them.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">The victim feels seen and heard, something they likely have not felt in a long time, which helps them to remember their value.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Emotional validation is the process of learning, understanding, and accepting the other person\u2019s emotional experience.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">To validate their emotional experience, you do not need to understand it, agree with it, or know the facts behind it. Their emotional experience is theirs. This is the time to listen over and over again.&nbsp;<\/p><p>The MEND Project\u2019s<a class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b9418437\" href=\"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/how-to-help-abuse-victims\/\" style=\"outline: none;\"> Healing Model of Compassion<\/a> gives clear steps for responding to victims to validate and empower them.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-6718e1a8e39eb8\">Conclusion<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p dir=\"ltr\">When we allow painful feelings to be expressed, acknowledged, and validated by another person, these feelings will eventually diminish.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Give them space and time to speak while you listen without interruption.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Nod your head in acceptance of their words. Let them know you are there for them.<\/p><p><em>All you need to do<\/em> is listen and allow the victim a safe place to process and unravel their confusing situation.<\/p><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>","tve_custom_css":"@import url(\"\/\/fonts.googleapis.com\/css?family=DINPro:400,600,500&subset=latin\");@media (min-width: 300px){[data-css=\"tve-u-6718e1a8e39da0\"] { min-width: auto; }[data-css=\"tve-u-6718e1a8e39de0\"] { margin-bottom: 10px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-6718e1a8e39eb8\"] { color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155,124,59) !important; --tve-applied-color: rgb(155,124,59) !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-6718e1a8e39ec8\"] { font-size: 25px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper { width: calc(50% - 15px); }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(n+3) { margin-top: 14px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(n+3)) { margin-top: 0px !important; 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