El proyecto MEND trabaja para educar a los sobrevivientes y a quienes intervienen en la respuesta ante situaciones de violencia, para que puedan identificar las estructuras de pensamiento culturales y err\u00f3neas que provocan comportamientos abusivos. Para comprender los matices del abuso, que revelan los patrones de pensamiento y los sistemas de creencias err\u00f3neos del agresor, la fundadora y directora ejecutiva de MEND, Annette Oltmans, realiz\u00f3 una extensa investigaci\u00f3n, incluyendo entrevistas a cientos de v\u00edctimas\/sobrevivientes y revisando sus experiencias personales con la violencia. Durante este tiempo, not\u00f3 con frecuencia que los mismos comportamientos y creencias se observaban en los perpetradores de todas las formas de violencia. Los agresores act\u00faan desde una visi\u00f3n de mundo completamente diferente respecto de las relaciones interpersonales que la v\u00edctima. Las v\u00edctimas suelen ser emp\u00e1ticas y est\u00e1n dispuestas a reflexionar sobre s\u00ed mismas y a aceptar la responsabilidad por sus acciones. Los agresores a menudo dicen y hacen cualquier cosa para evitar la responsabilidad y la rendici\u00f3n de cuentas. En lugar de reflexionar sobre s\u00ed mismos, se centran m\u00e1s en criticar y encontrar defectos en los dem\u00e1s. El proyecto MEND cre\u00f3 una herramienta titulada \u201cLos pilares del abuso\u201d para describir estas creencias err\u00f3neas que motivan a los perpetradores a cometer abusos.<\/p>\n
Conocer estos principios ayudar\u00e1 a mitigar la confusi\u00f3n que experimentan las v\u00edctimas cuando se dan cuenta de que su pareja no se relaciona con ellos de la manera que podr\u00edan esperar. Muchas veces, las v\u00edctimas intentan entender por qu\u00e9 tienen dificultades para ser comprendidas o para resolver conflictos con su pareja. Utilice esta herramienta para lograr la claridad que tanto necesitan.<\/p>\n
En este art\u00edculo, abordaremos:<\/p>\n
\u00a1Vamos a sumergirnos en ello!.<\/p>\n
Es probable que hayas experimentado o visto al menos uno de estos pilares en tus relaciones, en el hogar, la escuela, la iglesia, el lugar de trabajo o entre amigos. Al leer las descripciones de cada uno de ellos, observa si recuerdas ejemplos de la vida real que hayas vivido personalmente, presenciado o escuchado. Qu\u00edtate un momento para examinarte a ti mismo para ver si alguno de estos pilares constituye prejuicios inconscientes en ti o influye negativamente en tu acci\u00f3n o inacci\u00f3n en situaciones abusivas.<\/p>\n
Faulty belief systems are moralistic judgments based on limited or distorted knowledge that causes others to be oppressed. A faulty belief system can be rooted in cultural background, family system, social bias, or a combination. For example, many cultures believe that men deserve to be in a hierarchical position over women. Patriarchy, or said another way – that men carry more authority than women – is a common belief abusers adhere to. They may not verbalize it. However, it is a deeply rooted belief.<\/p>\n
Un sistema de creencias patriarcales se manifiesta a veces al limitar la voz de las mujeres o no tomar en serio sus ideas y contribuciones. En el matrimonio, las creencias y comportamientos patriarcales eliminan la igualdad en la relaci\u00f3n. Un sistema de creencias defectuoso tambi\u00e9n suele fomentar o apoyar el llamado \u00abdoble abuso\u00bb por parte de personas ajenas. Recordemos los numerosos ejemplos p\u00fablicos que hemos visto en los \u00faltimos a\u00f1os, en los que las instituciones minimizaron y descartaron las denuncias de abuso hechas por mujeres, al tiempo que se alineaban con el perpetrador y a\u00f1ad\u00edan otra capa de trauma a las v\u00edctimas.<\/p>\n
Otro sistema de creencias err\u00f3neo define c\u00f3mo los hombres deben o no deben expresar sus emociones. Algunos ni\u00f1os crecen en hogares donde les ense\u00f1an a despreciar los rasgos femeninos. Por ejemplo, se les dice: \u201cNo corras como una chica\u201d o \u201cNo llames como una chica\u201d. La idea es que los hombres no deben expresar sentimientos como el miedo, la tristeza o una emoci\u00f3n que los haga parecer d\u00e9biles. Al mismo tiempo, se les apoya cuando expresan abiertamente la ira. Como resultado, los ni\u00f1os criados en este sistema de creencias pueden burlarse de otros hombres que muestran emociones. Incluso podr\u00edan retaliar en rabia o reaccionar con violencia cuando alguien los molesta porque no creen que es \u201cmasculino\u201d expresar sus emociones de otra manera. Este sistema de creencias err\u00f3neo puede provocar que un hombre abuse de su pareja o hijo y tambi\u00e9n puede impedir que otro hombre que es v\u00edctima de abuso revele su historia personal de abuso.<\/p>\n
Las creencias err\u00f3neas y los juicios moralistas incorrectos explican, pero no justifican los comportamientos abusivos ni los pensamientos y actitudes abusivos. Esta es una de las razones por las que los abusadores no aceptan la responsabilidad por la gravedad de sus acciones ni admiten que su forma de pensar es err\u00f3nea. En la mente del abusador, cree que est\u00e1 justificado y correcto. Un sistema de creencias err\u00f3neo, por supuesto, no cambia el hecho de que el abuso, incluyendo el m\u00e9todo Double Abuse\u00ae<\/a>, El abuso nunca es correcto. El abuso es una elecci\u00f3n. No es un accidente, y nunca es culpa de la v\u00edctima.<\/p>\n Las v\u00edctimas tambi\u00e9n pueden tener sistemas de creencias defectuosos. No obstante, cuando lo hacen, no se considera que constituya un rasgo caracter\u00edstico de la violencia. Por ejemplo, pueden creer que su c\u00f3nyuge tiene los mejores intereses de su pareja en mente, por lo que no sospechan que su pareja se enfoque en ganar argumentos en lugar de llegar a soluciones mutuamente beneficiosas. En este caso, es m\u00e1s probable que las v\u00edctimas piensen que algo est\u00e1 mal en ellas mismas. O bien, pueden creer que una disculpa del abusador traducir\u00e1 milagrosamente en un cambio significativo y duradero.<\/p>\n La gesti\u00f3n de la imagen se refiere a cuando una persona o una instituci\u00f3n protegen su propia imagen a expensas de otra persona o como justificaci\u00f3n para negar apoyo a quien ha sido v\u00edctima de una injusticia. Los abusadores gestionan su imagen al presentar una fachada de ser bondadosos y morales. Es com\u00fan que exhiban p\u00fablicamente una imagen mientras una persona muy diferente aparece tras las puertas cerradas. Pueden ofrecer su tiempo como voluntarios en organizaciones ben\u00e9ficas, actuar caballerosamente con las mujeres y mostrar afecto hacia sus familiares en p\u00fablico. Esto es una tentativa deliberada de persuadir a los dem\u00e1s para que piensen mucho en ellos, confundir a sus v\u00edctimas y encubrir el abuso que est\u00e1n cometiendo en privado. La gesti\u00f3n de la imagen no solo es utilizada por los abusadores para encubrir los abusos. Hemos visto demasiado a menudo a empresas, iglesias e instituciones proteger su imagen p\u00fablica al encubrir presuntos abusos cometidos por un l\u00edder dentro de su organizaci\u00f3n o protegiendo a un empleado de alto rango acusado de abusos. Todo ello a costa de la v\u00edctima.<\/p>\n Un ejemplo real de esto es el Dr. Larry Nassar, un antiguo m\u00e9dico de gimnastas femeninas ol\u00edmpicas que ahora est\u00e1 en prisi\u00f3n porque abus\u00f3 sexualmente de muchos de sus pacientes. Una de las razones por las que pudo escapar con impunidad durante tanto tiempo es que era muy h\u00e1bil en gestionar su imagen p\u00fablica. Lo hizo con gran \u00e9xito al establecer relaciones con los padres de las chicas, tanto en su calidad profesional como personal. Durante el juicio contra Nassar, varias de las v\u00edctimas que testificaron compartieron c\u00f3mo lo consideraban un gran amigo de sus familias y c\u00f3mo sol\u00edan pasar tiempo juntas para cenar o simplemente para pasar el rato. La gesti\u00f3n estrat\u00e9gica de su imagen por parte de Nassar fue una de las muchas razones por las que las chicas no siempre ten\u00edan claro cu\u00e1ndo hab\u00eda traspasado la l\u00ednea de ser \u00fatil a ser perjudicial o si se les creer\u00eda si se atrev\u00edan a hablar. Cuando las chicas se acercaban a sus padres para hablar sobre el abuso de Nassar, la mayor\u00eda de los padres dudaban en creer a sus hijas porque ten\u00edan una confianza tan profunda en Nassar como m\u00e9dico respetado. Lo que era confuso para todos los involucrados era que a menudo actuaba como un tipo amable. Lo que hac\u00eda a\u00fan peor era c\u00f3mo el FBI, la USA Gymnastics y la Universidad Estatal de Michigan abusaban de estas v\u00edctimas de manera doble, negando y protegiendo a Nassar, a ellos mismos y a sus organizaciones. Por eso es tan importante escuchar y creer a las v\u00edctimas. Cuando hay humo, hay fuego. A menudo hay mucho m\u00e1s de lo que uno querr\u00eda creer.<\/p>\n En su esencia, los abusadores creen que tienen derecho a un trato preferencial, independientemente de las necesidades de los dem\u00e1s. Su actitud es tal que creen que se merecen ser tratados mejor que el resto de la familia. Se colocan en una posici\u00f3n dominante sobre el resto. Las normas que se aplican a su c\u00f3nyuge no se aplican al abusador. Existe una actitud excesiva de doble rasero. Es una de las razones por las que los abusadores da\u00f1an emocionalmente o f\u00edsicamente a sus v\u00edctimas, pero esperan ser tratados bien. Las v\u00edctimas suelen reportar que se sent\u00edan obligados a actuar con extremada cautela, constantemente centrados en satisfacer las necesidades o exigencias del abusador. Los asistentes y los profesionales que intervienen en la situaci\u00f3n deben ser conscientes de sus propias acciones, que podr\u00edan estar alimentando la sensaci\u00f3n de derecho propio del abusador. Cuando una v\u00edctima denuncia un abuso, es fundamental que los profesionales no se dejen llevar por la percepci\u00f3n de derecho propio del abusador, a expensas de la v\u00edctima. En algunas iglesias, por ejemplo, donde se ense\u00f1a a los hombres a liderar a las mujeres, ellos se sienten autorizados a gobernar sobre sus esposas. Este sistema de creencias a menudo fomenta y alienta el abuso. Cualquiera puede caer en esta mentalidad de vez en cuando, pero alguien abusivo utilizar\u00e1 el derecho a gobernar para justificar internamente su comportamiento en lugar de reconocerlo y solucionarlo.<\/p>\n A menudo se otorga un trato especial y protecci\u00f3n a los abusadores debido a su estatus, posici\u00f3n en la jerarqu\u00eda o proximidad a su c\u00edrculo social. Esta es una forma com\u00fan en la que se produce el abuso doble. A menudo, los abusadores no reciben consecuencias por su comportamiento nocivo porque las comunidades que los rodean los protegen y resisten permitir que un autor de conducta abusiva de alto nivel tenga que enfrentar las consecuencias de su comportamiento.<\/p>\n For example, imagine a man who is a dean at a university. He is a leader of a large department and is considered to be in high standing regarding ethical and moral integrity. Administrators and faculty members give him their unwavering respect. When the dean is accused of sexually harassing his assistant, the victim is placed on unpaid administrative leave rather than the abuser. The institution is misled by its desire to protect the institution’s reputation as well as being stuck in denial, believing the dean could have never been responsible for sexual harassment. The victim is not believed; she is considered unstable or trying to attain financial rewards from the university. In other words, the victim\u2019s motives for justice and mercy are not believed. At the same time, the abuser\u2019s deceitful denial is believed. This display of preferential treatment protects the dean from facing the necessary consequences of his violent actions toward his assistant. The assistant is both abused by her boss and doubly abused by the university.<\/p>\n This is why it is vital to hold all institutions’ leaders accountable and maintain a system with thoughtful checks and balances. When too many individuals of the same backgrounds, beliefs, and objectives work together, they may quickly engage in groupthink. Groups like this need to be careful to maintain good judgment, transparency, and standards because it\u2019s easy to go with what the group thinks or wants, prioritizing the perpetrator’s or institution’s needs over the individual harmed. This creates a perfect breeding ground for abusers to thrive without consequence or accountability.<\/p>\n Los cinco pilares son los elementos b\u00e1sicos que motivan y permiten a los abusadores racionalizar sus acciones ante s\u00ed mismos y los dem\u00e1s. Cuando se mantiene esta base err\u00f3nea, un abusador (a veces junto con personas ajenas) puede cegar a s\u00ed mismo y a quienes le rodean respecto de las t\u00e1cticas manipuladoras que utiliza para mantenerse en el poder y mantener a la v\u00edctima bajo su control. Al comprender y reconocer los pilares del abuso, las v\u00edctimas pueden obtener claridad sobre la mentalidad de la persona que les hace da\u00f1o y buscar la sanaci\u00f3n. Adem\u00e1s, esto puede facilitar enormemente la implementaci\u00f3n de medidas de responsabilidad para los abusadores, principalmente cuando las empresas, las iglesias y otras instituciones prestan atenci\u00f3n a lo que impulsa su sentido de derecho a actuar. La conciencia ayuda a los dem\u00e1s a rechazar permitir que los pilares protejan a los perpetradores que los rodean. Mantenernos conscientes de los pilares en todas las situaciones en las que interactuamos con los dem\u00e1s nos permite prevenir el abuso doble y convertirnos en mejores defensores de nosotros mismos y de quienes sufren da\u00f1os.<\/p>\n En una secci\u00f3n anterior de este art\u00edculo abordamos c\u00f3mo algunos ni\u00f1os son educados para despreciar los rasgos femeninos. En esta forma de crianza, impedimos que los ni\u00f1os desarrollen toda la gama de emociones y conciencia emocional. Los abusadores pueden ser muy inteligentes, exitosos y carism\u00e1ticos, pero con un coeficiente intelectual emocional bajo. Un coeficiente intelectual emocional bajo contribuye a una defensividad cr\u00f3nica y a comportamientos agresivos o pasivo-agresivos. Ellos \u2018reaccionan\u2019 en lugar de autoregularse, autoexaminar o implementar autocontrol para \u2018responder\u2019 de manera racional y emp\u00e1tica. Un coeficiente intelectual emocional bajo se manifiesta en ansiedad, impulsividad y defensividad.<\/p>\n Un bajo EQ puede causar:<\/strong><\/p>\n El malestar del abusador ante las emociones, ya sean propias o de su pareja, lo lleva a evitar o bloquear conversaciones aut\u00e9nticas en las que el punto de vista de cada uno de los interlocutores sea respetado, procesado e integrado en sus pensamientos. En \u00faltima instancia, las emociones inmaduras del abusador impiden que la v\u00edctima experimente la mutua comprensi\u00f3n, la reciprocidad o conversaciones significativas y aut\u00e9nticas en las que el respeto mutuo y la validaci\u00f3n mutua conduzcan a soluciones significativas.<\/p>\n Si este art\u00edculo ha iluminado una situaci\u00f3n presente en la vida de alguien que conoces, te animamos a que le cuentes que est\u00e1s ah\u00ed para \u00e9l\/ella si necesita un espacio seguro para hablar o un lugar seguro donde quedarse. Aqu\u00ed tienes algunos recursos de MEND: C\u00f3mo ayudar a alguien que est\u00e1 siendo v\u00edctima de abuso<\/a>.<\/p>\n Si usted es el que est\u00e1 en peligro, le recomendamos que utilice nuestro servicio en l\u00ednea. Encontrar la claridad y la sanaci\u00f3n<\/a> Curso a ritmo propio. Son solo cuatro m\u00f3dulos con sesiones grabadas con Annette Oltmans. En MEND decimos que la claridad es el primer paso para la sanaci\u00f3n. Formarse a trav\u00e9s de nuestro curso completo te dar\u00e1 un impulso para comenzar tu camino de sanaci\u00f3n. Muchos graduados del curso reportan que aprender todo lo que hicieron sobre formas abiertas y ocultas de abuso y temas relacionados les ahorr\u00f3 aproximadamente un a\u00f1o de terapia. Es dif\u00edcil sanarse en el aislamiento. Conf\u00eden en alguien seguro y de apoyo sobre lo que est\u00e1n pasando. Busquen ayuda profesional si pueden con un profesional. Terapeuta licenciado especializado en abuso y trauma.<\/a> \u00danete a un grupo de apoyo en l\u00ednea o presencial o ponte en contacto con tu agencia local de violencia dom\u00e9stica o con The National Domestic Violence Hotline para hablar con alguien con conocimientos. Tambi\u00e9n puedes enviarnos un correo electr\u00f3nico a info@themendproject.com<\/a>. Respondemos a cada correo electr\u00f3nico porque usted es importante para nosotros. No queremos que tenga que pasar por esto solo.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The MEND Project works to educate survivors and responders to identify cultural and faulty thinking structures that cause abusive behaviors. To understand the nuances of abuse that reveal the faulty thinking patterns and belief systems of the abusive one MEND founder and CEO, Annette Oltmans conducted extensive research, including interviewing hundreds of victims\/survivors and reviewing […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":9944,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","tve_updated_post":" The MEND Project works to educate survivors and responders to identify cultural and faulty thinking structures that cause abusive behaviors. To understand the nuances of abuse that reveal the faulty thinking patterns and belief systems of the abusive one MEND founder and CEO, Annette Oltmans conducted extensive research, including interviewing hundreds of victims\/survivors and reviewing their personal experiences with abuse. During this time, she took note of how regularly she observed the same attitudes and beliefs in perpetrators of all forms of abuse. Abusers operate from a completely different worldview regarding interpersonal relationships than what the victim does. Survivors have a hard time identifying the differences. Victims are usually empathic and are willing to self-reflect and accept responsibility for their actions. Abusers will often say and do anything to avoid responsibility and accountability. Rather than self-reflect, they are more focused on criticizing and finding fault with others. The MEND Project created a tool titled \u201cThe Pillars of Abuse\u201d to describe these faulty beliefs that motivates perpetrators to abuse.<\/p> Understanding these principles will help to mitigate the confusion victims experience when realizing their partner does not relate with them in ways they might expect. So often, victims try to understand why they have such a difficult time being understood or resolving conflict with their partner. Use this tool to bring about much-needed clarity.<\/p> In this article, we will cover:<\/p> Let\u2019s dive in.<\/p><\/div> Chances are you have experienced or seen at least one of these pillars in your relationships, at home, school, church, the workplace, or among friends. As you read the descriptions of each pillar, notice if you recall real-life examples you have personally lived through, witnessed, or heard. Take another moment to examine yourself to see if any of these pillars make up unconscious biases within you or negatively influence your action or inaction in abusive scenarios.<\/p><\/div> Faulty belief systems are moralistic judgments based on limited or distorted knowledge that causes others to be oppressed. A faulty belief system can be rooted in cultural background, family system, social bias, or a combination. For example, many cultures believe that men deserve to be in a hierarchical position over women. Patriarchy, or said another way - that men carry more authority than women - is a common belief abusers adhere to. They may not verbalize it. However, it is a deeply rooted belief.<\/p> A patriarchal belief system is sometimes demonstrated by limiting the voice of women or not taking their ideas and contributions seriously. In marriage, patriarchal beliefs and behaviors remove equality in the relationship. A faulty belief system often encourages or supports Double Abuse\u00ae by outsiders as well. Think of the many public examples we have seen in recent years where institutions minimized and dismissed women\u2019s disclosures of abuse, aligned with the perpetrator, and added another layer of trauma to the victims.<\/p> Another faulty belief system defineshow men should or should not display their emotions. Some boys grow up in homes where they are taught to disdain feminine traits. Think, \u201cDon\u2019t run like a girl\u201d or \u201cDon\u2019t cry like a girl.\u201d The idea is that males shouldn\u2019t express feelings like fear or sadness or an emotion that makes them appear weak. At the same time they are supported when overtly expressing anger. As a result, boys raised in this belief system may make fun of other men who show emotions. They could even retaliate in rage or react with violence when someone upsets them because they don\u2019t believe it\u2019s \u201cmasculine\u201d to express their emotions in any other way. This faulty belief system can both result in a male abusing his partner or child and in preventing another male who is a victim of abuse from disclosing their personal story of abuse.<\/p> Faulty beliefs and incorrect moralistic judgments explain but do not justify abusive behaviors or abusive thoughts and attitudes. This is one reason why abusers will not accept responsibility for the severity of their actions or admit their way of thinking is skewed. In the abuser\u2019s mind, they believe they are justified and correct. A faulty belief system, of course, does not change the fact that abuse, including Double Abuse\u00ae<\/a>, is never right. Abuse is a choice. It\u2019s not an accident, and it\u2019s never the victim\u2019s fault.<\/p> Victims can also have faulty belief systems. That said, when they do, it is not considered a pillar of abuse. For example, they may believe their spouse has their best interests in mind, so they don\u2019t suspect that their partner is focused on winning arguments rather than reaching mutually beneficial solutions. In this case, victims are more likely to think something is wrong with themselves. Or victims may believe that an apology from the abuser will miraculously translate into meaningful and lasting change.<\/p><\/div> Image management is when a person or an institution protects their self-image at the expense of someone else\u2019s or as justification to withhold support for the one who was wronged. Abusers manage their image by presenting a facade that they are kind and moral. It\u2019s common for them to display publicly one image while a very different person shows up behind closed doors. They may volunteer their time for charity, act chivalrous towards women, and show affection to their family members in public. This is a deliberate attempt to persuade outsiders to think highly of them, confuse their victims, and cover up the abuse they are doing in private. Image management is not only used by abusers to cover up abuse. We have all too often seen corporations, churches, and institutions protect their public image by covering up alleged abuse by a leader within their organization or protecting a high-ranking employee accused of abuse. All of this is at the victim\u2019s expense.<\/p> A real-life example of this is Dr. Larry Nassar, a former doctor for Olympic female gymnasts who is now in prison because he molested many of his patients. One of the reasons he got away with abuse for so long is that he was very good at managing his image. He did this very successfully by developing relationships with the girl\u2019s parents, both in his professional capacity and personally. During Nassar\u2019s trial, several of the victims who testified shared how they considered him to be a great friend of their families and would often come over for meals or to hang out. Nassar\u2019s strategic image management was one of the many reasons the patients weren\u2019t always sure when he had crossed the line from being helpful to harmful or whether they would be believed if they spoke up. When girls came forward to their parents about Nassar\u2019s abuse, most of the parents were hesitant to believe their daughters because they trusted so strongly that Nassar was an esteemed physician. The confusing thing for everyone involved was that he often did act like a nice guy. What made it even worse was how the FBI, USA Gymnastics, and Michigan State University doubly abused these victims by denying and protecting Nassar, themselves, and their organizations. This is why it\u2019s so important to listen to and believe victims. Where there is smoke, there\u2019s fire. There is often much more going on than you may want to believe.<\/p><\/div> At their core, abusers believe they are entitled to preferential treatment regardless of the needs of others. Their attitude is such that they think they deserve to be treated better than everyone else in the family. They place themselves in a dominant position over the other. Rules that apply to their spouse don\u2019t apply to the abuser. There is an overreaching attitude of double standards. It\u2019s one reason why abusers emotionally or physically harm their victims but expect to be treated well. Victims often report that they felt they had to walk on eggshells, constantly focused on meeting the abuser\u2019s needs or demands. People helpers and responders need to be aware of their personal actions, which might be fueling an abuser\u2019s sense of entitlement. When a victim alleges abuse, it\u2019s critical that responders not be fooled by the alleged abuser\u2019s sense of entitlement at the expense of the victim. In some churches, for example, where men are taught to lead over women, they feel entitled to rule over their spouses. This belief system often fosters and emboldens abuse. Anyone can get caught up in this mentality from time to time, but someone abusive will use entitlement to internally justify their behavior rather than to recognize and repair it.<\/p><\/div> Special treatment and protection are often given to abusers because of their status, position in leadership, or proximity to one\u2019s social circle. This is a common way that Double Abuse\u00ae takes place. Often, abusers aren\u2019t met with consequences for their harmful behavior because communities around them protect them and resist allowing a high-standing offender to face the consequences of their behavior.<\/p> For example, imagine a man who is a dean at a university. He is a leader of a large department and is considered to be in high standing regarding ethical and moral integrity. Administrators and faculty members give him their unwavering respect. When the dean is accused of sexually harassing his assistant, the victim is placed on unpaid administrative leave rather than the abuser. The institution is misled by its desire to protect the institution's reputation as well as being stuck in denial, believing the dean could have never been responsible for sexual harassment. The victim is not believed; she is considered unstable or trying to attain financial rewards from the university. In other words, the victim\u2019s motives for justice and mercy are not believed. At the same time, the abuser\u2019s deceitful denial is believed. This display of preferential treatment protects the dean from facing the necessary consequences of his violent actions toward his assistant. The assistant is both abused by her boss and doubly abused by the university.<\/p> This is why it is vital to hold all institutions' leaders accountable and maintain a system with thoughtful checks and balances. When too many individuals of the same backgrounds, beliefs, and objectives work together, they may quickly engage in groupthink. Groups like this need to be careful to maintain good judgment, transparency, and standards because it\u2019s easy to go with what the group thinks or wants, prioritizing the perpetrator's or institution's needs over the individual harmed. This creates a perfect breeding ground for abusers to thrive without consequence or accountability.<\/p> The five pillars are the foundational building blocks that motivate and allow abusers to rationalize their actions to themselves and those around them. When this faulty foundation is maintained, an abuser (sometimes along with outsiders) can blind themselves and those around them to the manipulative tactics they use to remain in power and keep the victim within their control. By understanding and recognizing the pillars of abuse, victims can gain clarity about the mindset of the person cousin them harm and pursue healing. Also, it may greatly facilitate the implementation of accountability measures for abusers, mainly where corporations, churches, and other institutions pay attention to what drives their sense of entitlement. Awareness helps others to refuse to allow the pillars to protect the perpetrators around them. Remaining aware of the pillars wherever we interact with others enables us to prevent Double Abuse\u00ae and become better advocates for ourselves and those experiencing harm.<\/p><\/div> Earlier in this article, we addressed how some boys are raised to disdain feminine traits. In this form of child-rearing, we hinder boys from developing a full range of emotions and emotional awareness. Abusers can be highly intelligent, accomplished, and charismatic while having an underdeveloped emotional IQ. A low emotional IQ contributes to chronic defensiveness and aggressive or passive-aggressive behavior. They \u2018react\u2019 rather than self-regulate, self-examine, or implement self-control to \u2018respond\u2019 rationally and empathically. Low emotional IQ manifests in anxiousness, impulsivity, and defensiveness.<\/p> A low EQ can cause:<\/strong><\/p> The abuser\u2019s discomfort with emotions, whether it\u2019s his own emotions or his partner\u2019s emotions, causes him to avoid or block authentic conversations where each partner\u2019s point of view is respected, processed, and integrated into their thoughts. Ultimately, the abuser\u2019s immature emotions prevent the victim from experiencing mutuality, reciprocity, or meaningful and authentic conversations where mutual respect and mutual validation lead to meaningful solutions.<\/p><\/div> If this article has shed light on a situation present in the life of someone you know, we encourage you to let them know that you are there for them if they need a safe space to talk or a safe place to stay. Here\u2019s some MEND resources on how to help someone experiencing abuse<\/a>.El segundo pilar: gesti\u00f3n de la imagen<\/h3>\n
EL TERCER PIE DE LA ESTRUCTURA: LA OBLIGACI\u00d3N<\/h3>\n
EL PIEZO F\u00daTBICO: TRATAMIENTO PREFERENCIAL CULTURAL, PREFERENCIAL O JERARQUICO<\/h3>\n
UNA PIEZA OMITIDA: UN \u00cdNDICE DE INTELIGENCIA EMOCIONAL BAJO.<\/h2>\n
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La claridad es el primer paso hacia la sanaci\u00f3n<\/h2>\n
The Four Pillars of Abuse<\/h2><\/div>
THE FIRST PILLAR: FAULTY BELIEF SYSTEM<\/h3><\/div>
THE SECOND PILLAR: IMAGE MANAGEMENT<\/h3><\/div>
THE THIRD PILLAR: ENTITLEMENT<\/h3><\/div>
THE FOUTH PILLAR: CULTURAL, PREFERENTIAL, OR HIERARCHICAL PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT<\/h3><\/div>
AN OVERLOOKED PILLAR: A LOW EMOTIONAL I.Q.<\/h2><\/div>
Clarity is the First Step to Healing<\/h2><\/div>
If the one in danger is you, we encourage you to take our online Finding Clarity and Healing<\/a> self-paced course. It is only four modules with recorded sessions with Annette Oltmans. We say at MEND, that clarity is the first step to healing. Becoming educated through our comprehensive course will jump-start you on your healing journey. Many graduates of the course report that learning all they did about overt and hidden forms of abuse and related topics saved them approximately one year of therapy. It\u2019s difficult to heal in isolation. Confide in someone safe and supportive about what you are going through. Seek professional help if you can with a licensed therapist skilled in abuse and trauma.<\/a> Join an online or in-person support group or reach out to your local domestic violence agency or The National Domestic Violence Hotline to talk with someone knowledgeable. You can also email us at info@themendproject.com<\/a>. We answer every email because you are important to us. We don\u2019t want you to have to walk through this alone.<\/p><\/div>","tve_custom_css":"@media (min-width: 300px){.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper { width: calc(50% - 15px); }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(n+3) { margin-top: 14px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(n+3)) { margin-top: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(2n)) { margin-right: 30px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(2n) { margin-right: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper { width: calc(50% - 7.5px); }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(n+3) { margin-top: 15px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(n+3)) { margin-top: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(2n)) { margin-right: 15px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(2n) { margin-right: 0px !important; }}","tve_user_custom_css":"","tve_globals":{"e":"1","font_cls":[]},"tcb2_ready":1,"tcb_editor_enabled":1,"tve_landing_page":"","_tve_header":"","_tve_footer":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9752","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-category-blog","post-wrapper","thrv_wrapper"],"yoast_head":"\n