Is Lying Abuse?

Is lying abuse?

The answer is yes.

Lying is emotional abuse.

And in today’s article, we are going to show you:

Let’s have a look.

How Constant Lying is Abusive

Make no mistake: lying is a type of abuse.

Sure, we have all lied about something. So when is it considered abusive?

Lying is a common tactic an abuser uses to gain power and control over their victim.

Why?

Because lying confuses the victim’s reality while helping the liar to shirk from their responsibility in the situation, often shifting the blame to the victim.

Even little lies can quickly culminate in full-on manipulation of a person or situation.

The number one effect lying has on a victim?

Confusion.

Effects of Lying on Victims

Covert abuse creates stressful confusion: this is what abusers want their victims to feel when lying to them.

The covertly abusive tactic of lying increases the victim’s anxiety and causes their thinking to become clouded.

In other words?

Confused victims are less likely to respond quickly or listen to their gut.

Abusers want to avoid both scenarios.

So what does lying to victims look like?

The Various Types of Lies Abusers Use

There are many forms of lying an abuser will employ to manipulate their victim.

To avoid experiencing stressful confusion, becoming familiar with the forms and dangers of lying is essential.

Here are several common types of lies abusers will tell:

The Black Lie

Black Lies are bald-faced lies the abuser uses to gain something for themselves at the cost of the one being deceived.

For example:

Think of a realtor who lies about the condition of underground plumbing in a home to get a higher price for its sale and gain a better commission.

In other words, the realtor exploits the buyer’s lack of current knowledge out of self-interest.

Similarly, a common lie used by abusers is “I deposited the check.”

However, if a check meant for a joint account was deposited into the abuser’s personal account instead, the abuser has gained financial power over the victim.

And if the check was never deposited, the perpetrator then gains the power of confusion and anxiety when the victim wonders where the money went or if the money ever existed to begin with.

Upon further inspection, some of these deceptions may be brought to light.

However, at their core, these lies are statements used by abusers to gain something over the victim, such as:

• Power
• Status
• Money
• Or control

The White Lie

Most people are familiar with this type of deception, because it is, unfortunately, pretty common.

White lies are small, seemingly dismissive obstructions of reality that are harder to disprove.

They are sometimes used for good reason, such as telling a friend you like her new haircut so that you won’t hurt her feelings.

Because white lies are less traceable, however, they carry a greater power to manipulate others.

Their most insidious use is when the abuser tells white lies about the victim to others, because those lies slowly influence others to view the victim in a different light.

For instance:

During a stressful time when the victim is feeling very emotional and unsettled, an abuser may tell friends and family: “Everything is good. We’re just fine.”

This will make the victim appear erratic, unpredictable, and even unstable to those close to the couple.

Over time, this tactic effectively isolates the victim from others.

Each individual lie might be too small to notice or address at first, but over time and with repetition, they will successfully shift others’ perceptions of the individual.

The Half-Truth

Half-Truths are versions of what happened that help the abuser avoid responsibility in a situation.

The liar relies on the fact that they are telling just enough of the truth to seem credible.

For example, recounting a disagreement by saying, “he yelled at me,” while leaving out the events which led up to his yelling.

This omission of important facts paints a picture that is more favorable for the abuser.

The Broken Promise

This form of lying is difficult for abusers to acknowledge when confronted; they will attempt to give themselves the benefit of the doubt.

An abuser who promises to come to your work party, then breaks that promise by refusing to show up at the last minute, is a liar.

They will try to excuse their actions by claiming that they had a hard day or didn’t think you really wanted them to come.

Like a white lie, broken promises can make the victim look bad in front of others.

A broken promise is a lie.

Forgetting

Similar to broken promises, claiming to forget a commitment or an obligation, such as “Oh, I forgot you wanted me to be home early tonight,” is manipulation.

It can convince the victim that the abuser made a simple mistake.

Constant “forgetfulness” should not be dismissed.

Denial

Liars are so comfortable telling lies they will do anything to avoid getting caught or taking responsibility, even if it means flat-out denying the truth, no matter how obvious it may be.

If someone denies the reality of facts and evidence when presented, they are likely a liar.

Conclusion

Lying divides people and prevents healthy, authentic relationships.

It is wise to take note of and address any combination and frequency of lies.

A genuinely loving partner, parent, sibling, friend, etc., will be transparent and authentic, they will not continually lie.

If this blog has you realizing that your partner or another person is telling you lies, we encourage you to seek support from a licensed therapist skilled in dealing with abuse.

MEND provides many guides and resources to help - whether you’re a victim, counselor, pastor, or friend. We are here to help and support you!