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How to Heal from an Abusive Relationship:

Guided Support from The MEND Project

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How to Heal from an Abusive Relationship

Guided Support from The MEND Project

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Welcome, we are so glad you are here.

Whether you're recovering from separation or divorce, considering divorce, currently in an abusive relationship, wanting to determine if abuse is happening, or simply trying to identify why your relationship feels so painful, these resources can help you find clarity and straightforward steps for recovery.

The emotions swirling within you—frustration, sadness, or the overwhelming feeling of being lost and alone—are not only real but deeply valid.

You may be feeling that your relationship has been in a prolonged state of stress and confusion and you can’t quite put your finger on the source of your relationship problems. Considering that it may be abuse could be too much to take in or may even be the last thing on your mind.

But here’s the truth—you're not imagining things, overreacting, or irrational for feeling this way. You are not alone. With the right support and understanding, you can find clarity, hope, and a path forward.

We are here to guide you towards empowerment and healing.

At MEND, we’ve found that the journey from confusion to healing most often follows this path:

mend-heal-abusive-relationship

Welcome, we are so glad you are here.

Whether you're recovering from separation or divorce, considering divorce, currently in an abusive relationship, wanting to determine if abuse is happening, or simply trying to identify why your relationship feels so painful, these resources can help you find clarity and straightforward steps for recovery.

The emotions swirling within you—frustration, sadness, or the overwhelming feeling of being lost and alone—are not only real but deeply valid.

You may be feeling that your relationship has been in a prolonged state of stress and confusion and you can’t quite put your finger on the source of your relationship problems. Considering that it may be abuse could be too much to take in or may even be the last thing on your mind.

But here’s the truth—you're not imagining things, overreacting, or irrational for feeling this way. You are not alone. With the right support and understanding, you can find clarity, hope, and a path forward.

We are here to guide you towards empowerment and healing.

At MEND, we’ve found that the journey from confusion to healing most often follows this path:

mend clarity

Gain Clarity

Understand the source of your confusion, identify the recurring emotionally destructive patterns in your relationship, and know that when one chooses to be emotionally abusive it is never your fault.

mend-community

Find Proper Community and Support

Unfortunately, many people trying to help might unintentionally cause harm. At MEND, we're dedicated to connecting with you as well as helping you identify safe individuals and environments that can genuinely support you.

We help accomplish these steps of clarity and community through our comprehensive collection of workshops and resources. Our team is here for you as well.

Join our newsletter to stay informed about our free monthly

workshops, and to access previous sessions.

Join our newsletter to stay informed about our free monthly workshops, and to access previous sessions.

Does This Sound Familiar?

Recognizing the signs of the root causes of stress and confusion in your relationship can be tough, especially when it becomes your daily reality. Many in such relationships experience:

  • walking on eggshells: Are you frequently anxious about how your partner will react, trying to avoid any potential triggers?
  • Hyper-awareness: Are you overly attentive to your partner’s moods, trying to read between the lines to anticipate their needs or reactions?
  • Over-functioning: Do you feel like you’re the one investing the most energy into the relationship or taking the most responsibility to ensure the relationship runs smoothly?
  • Constant Doubt: Do you often find yourself questioning your own judgment of what actually took place, wondering if you're imagining things or if you’re too sensitive?
  • Loss of Self: Have you lost touch with yourself, forgotten how to be who you once were, or feel like a shadow of your former self?
  • ISOLATION: Do you find yourself increasingly cut off from friends and family, either by your own withdrawal or someone else’s influence?
  • UNEXPLAINED ANXIETY: Do you experience sudden bouts of anxiety, even when there’s no immediate threat?
  • feeling trapped: Do you often feel there’s no way out or that things will never change?
  • Control and Manipulation: Do you feel that your partner tries to control aspects of your life, from your social interactions to personal decisions, sometimes using guilt or coercion? Or do you feel your partner opposes your reasonable requests or is defensive when you raise a concern or express a hurt?

If you recognize any of these signs, remember: you’re neither crazy nor alone. MEND is here to provide support, clarity, and community.

Does This Sound Familiar?

Recognizing the signs of the root causes of stress and confusion in your relationship can be tough, especially when it becomes your daily reality. Many in such relationships experience:

  • walking on eggshells: Are you frequently anxious about how your partner will react, trying to avoid any potential triggers?
  • Hyper-awareness: Are you overly attentive to your partner’s moods, trying to read between the lines to anticipate their needs or reactions?
  • OVER-FUNCTIONING: Do you feel like you’re the one investing the most energy into the relationship or taking the most responsibility to ensure the relationship runs smoothly?
  • CONSTANT DOUBT: Do you often find yourself questioning your own judgment of what actually took place, wondering if you're imagining things or if you’re too sensitive?
  • LOSS OF SELF: Have you lost touch with yourself, forgotten how to be who you once were, or feel like a shadow of your former self?
  • ISOLATION: Do you find yourself increasingly cut off from friends and family, either by your own withdrawal or someone else’s influence?
  • UNEXPLAINED ANXIETY: Do you experience sudden bouts of anxiety, even when there’s no immediate threat?
  • feeling trapped: Do you often feel there’s no way out or that things will never change?
  • Control and Manipulation: Do you feel that your partner tries to control aspects of your life, from your social interactions to personal decisions, sometimes using guilt or coercion? Or do you feel your partner opposes your reasonable requests or is defensive when you raise a concern or express a hurt?

If you recognize any of these signs, remember: you’re neither crazy nor alone. MEND is here to provide support, clarity, and community.

mend-conflict-oriented-relationship

Does This Sound Familiar?

Recognizing the signs of the root causes of stress and confusion in your relationship can be tough, especially when it becomes your daily reality. Many in such relationships experience:

  • walking on eggshells: Are you frequently anxious about how your partner will react, trying to avoid any potential triggers?
  • Hyper-awareness: Are you overly attentive to your partner’s moods, trying to read between the lines to anticipate their needs or reactions?
  • OVER-FUNCTIONING: Do you feel like you’re the one investing the most energy into the relationship or taking the most responsibility to ensure the relationship runs smoothly?
  • CONSTANT DOUBT: Do you often find yourself questioning your own judgment of what actually took place, wondering if you're imagining things or if you’re too sensitive?
  • LOSS OF SELF: Have you lost touch with yourself, forgotten how to be who you once were, or feel like a shadow of your former self?
  • ISOLATION: Do you find yourself increasingly cut off from friends and family, either by your own withdrawal or someone else’s influence?
  • UNEXPLAINED ANXIETY: Do you experience sudden bouts of anxiety, even when there’s no immediate threat?
  • FEELING TRAPPED: Do you often feel there’s no way out or that things will never change?
  • Control and Manipulation: Do you feel that your partner tries to control aspects of your life, from your social interactions to personal decisions, sometimes using guilt or coercion? Or do you feel your partner opposes your reasonable requests or is defensive when you raise a concern or express a hurt?

If you recognize any of these signs, remember: you’re neither crazy nor alone. MEND is here to provide support, clarity, and community.

Primary Steps to Take if You Are 

or Have Been in an Abusive Situation

Understanding and accepting the range of emotions you may be experiencing during or after an abusive situation is essential. Our emotions give us vital information. Negative feelings such as anxiety, a pit in your stomach, or fragmented thinking are indicators that something is not right. They help prompt us to pause and consider what our emotions may be telling us or to take action. Upon recognizing abuse, consider these vital steps:

  • if you are in immediate danger: Contact the national hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) or call 911.
  • Seek support: Talking can be therapeutic. Whether through therapy, support groups, or trusted friends, discussing your experiences can offer relief. However, it’s important to choose your confidants wisely to avoid further harm. Use this guide to avoid what The MEND Project calls Double Abuse.
  • equip yourself: Knowledge is empowering. Familiarizing yourself with the intricacies of abuse can aid you in recognizing patterns being employed against you and lead you toward clarity and healing.

Primary Steps to Take if You Are or Have Been in an Abusive Situation

Understanding and accepting the range of emotions you may be experiencing during or after an abusive situation is essential. Our emotions give us vital information. Negative feelings such as anxiety, a pit in your stomach, or fragmented thinking are indicators that something is not right. They help prompt us to pause and consider what our emotions may be telling us or to take action. Upon recognizing abuse, consider these vital steps:

  • if you are in immediate danger: Contact the national hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) or call 911.
  • Seek support: Talking can be therapeutic. Whether through therapy, support groups, or trusted friends, discussing your experiences can offer relief. However, it’s important to choose your confidants wisely to avoid further harm. Use this guide to avoid what The MEND Project calls Double Abuse.
  • equip yourself: Knowledge is empowering. Familiarizing yourself with the intricacies of abuse can aid you in recognizing patterns being employed against you and lead you toward clarity and healing.

Gain Clarity

Navigating relationships can be complex. It’s common to find oneself questioning the nature of one’s own relationship.

Abuse isn’t only physical; it can be emotional, financial, psychological, or even spiritual. Recognizing this can sometimes be challenging, especially when strong emotions are involved.

It’s natural to feel uncertain or even defensive when considering the possibility of being in an abusive relationship. Even the term “abuse” can sound harsh, and it’s not always easy to connect it with someone you care about.

Prioritize your well-being and understand that recognizing and naming a problem is the first step toward finding a solution.

When our founder realized she was experiencing abuse, she read articles and listened to podcasts to help put words and definitions to her experiences. She found that learning how to get clarity on the good, bad, and potentially ugly in your relationship helps you to make clear progress quickly by knowing the common signs of unhealthy relationship behaviors being used to confuse you or throw you off balance.

A few times a year, we hold a 4-week course with weekly interactive workshops to help bring clarity and to set a solid foundation for ongoing healing.

We call it Finding Clarity and Healing in Difficult, Confusing, or Abusive Relationships, and you can check out the upcoming dates for this course here.

Understand Why Your Communications Aren’t Getting Through

Abuse is never the victim’s fault. There are deeply-rooted beliefs that drive the mentality of abusers and motivate their abusive behavior within relationships.

Often, victims and survivors of abuse come to recognize that their abusive partners operated with one or more of these beliefs.

  • faulty belief system: Distorted beliefs that justify oppressive actions.
  • image management: The façade abusers maintain to protect their public image.
  • entitlement: The core belief of abusers that they deserve special treatment.
  • low emotional intelligence: Limited awareness of one’s own emotions and inability to show empathy for others.
  • cultural, preferential, or hierarchical preferential treatment: The expectation of preferential treatment. Or, the protection others give abusers due to their societal status or position.

When the abuser’s worldview continues to rest on a foundation of faulty beliefs, their destructive behavior is unlikely to change. You can read a more detailed description of the 5 Pillars of Abuse, and what it takes for abusers to change here.  

Gain Clarity

Navigating relationships can be complex. It's common to find oneself questioning the nature of one's own relationship.

Abuse isn't only physical; it can be emotional, financial, psychological, or even spiritual. Recognizing this can sometimes be challenging, especially when strong emotions are involved.

It's natural to feel uncertain or even defensive when considering the possibility of being in an abusive relationship. Even the term "abuse" can sound harsh, and it's not always easy to connect it with someone you care about.

Prioritize your well-being and understand that recognizing and naming a problem is the first step toward finding a solution.

When our founder realized she was experiencing abuse, she read articles and listened to podcasts to help put words and definitions to her experiences. She found that learning how to get clarity on the good, bad, and potentially ugly in your relationship helps you to make clear progress quickly by knowing the common signs of unhealthy relationship behaviors being used to confuse you or throw you off balance.

A few times a year, we hold a 4-week course with weekly interactive workshops to help bring clarity and to set a solid foundation for ongoing healing.

We call it Finding Clarity and Healing in Difficult, Confusing, or Abusive Relationships, and you can check out the upcoming dates for this course here.

Understand Why Your Communications Aren’t Getting Through

Abuse is never the victim’s fault. There are deeply-rooted beliefs that drive the mentality of abusers and motivate their abusive behavior within relationships.

Often, victims and survivors of abuse come to recognize that their abusive partners operated with one or more of these beliefs.

  • faulty belief system: Distorted beliefs that justify oppressive actions.
  • image management: The façade abusers maintain to protect their public image.
  • entitlement: The core belief of abusers that they deserve special treatment.
  • low emotional intelligence: Limited awareness of one’s own emotions and inability to show empathy for others.
  • cultural, preferential, or hierarchical preferential treatment: The expectation of preferential treatment. Or, the protection others give abusers due to their societal status or position.

When the abuser’s worldview continues to rest on a foundation of faulty beliefs, their destructive behavior is unlikely to change. You can read a more detailed description of the 5 Pillars of Abuse, and what it takes for abusers to change here.  

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

In cases of abuse, there are many variables that make the decision to stay or leave complicated.

Whatever decision you are contemplating, we know there are many factors to consider.

You may feel the best option is to stay, in which case learning ways to emotionally detach is essential for your well-being. Sometimes, a good option is a controlled separation where mutually agreed upon parameters are put in place and a therapeutic intervention is established to protect the victim. Often, the best option is to terminate the relationship for good.

To help with this decision-making process, download our free PDF deep dive on this topic here: https://themendproject.com/resources/ or read this article to learn more about how to safely leave an abusive relationship.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

In cases of abuse, there are many variables that make the decision to stay or leave complicated.

Whatever decision you are contemplating, we know there are many factors to consider.

You may feel the best option is to stay, in which case learning ways to emotionally detach is essential for your well-being. Sometimes, a good option is a controlled separation where mutually agreed upon paramenters are put in place and a therapeutic intervention is established to protect the victim. Often, the best option is to terminate the relationship for good.

To help with this decision-making process, download our free PDF deep dive on this topic here: https://themendproject.com/resources/ or read this article to learn more about how to safely leave an abusive relationship.

Find Proper Community and Support

Surrounding yourself with the right support network can expedite healing. MEND aims to be a part of your healing community through education, resources, and cohorts with others who are walking through or have overcome similar challenges.

Healing Stories

Our MEND community is filled with resilient individuals who have written their stories to share their journeys with others.

You can explore these stories here and discover how others have weathered relationship storms.

Resources and Assistance

Here at The MEND Project, we’ve helped thousands of people find clarity, hope, help, and healing in (and after) abusive situations. 

If you’re a victim or a survivor of abuse, here are some of the most crucial and important steps that you may want to consider taking (along with some additional resources where you can learn more about each):

Professional Help

We highly recommend seeking out licensed therapists skilled in addressing emotional abuse and helping people healing from trauma. Their expertise can provide personalized guidance. It’s also important to know when it’s safe to say ‘yes’ to couples therapy, or when it may actually be a harmful step to take right now. 

Click here to learn more: Therapist for Abusive Relationships.

Domestic Violence Agencies

For immediate assistance, various agencies specialize in offering protection, advocacy, and community resources for those affected by domestic violence.

To find resources near you, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline website or call 1-800-799-SAFE.

Professional Help

We highly recommend seeking out licensed therapists skilled in addressing emotional abuse and helping people healing from trauma. Their expertise can provide personalized guidance. It’s also important to know when it’s safe to say ‘yes’ to couples therapy, or when it may actually be a harmful step to take right now. 

Click here to learn more: counseling for abusive relationships.

Domestic Violence Agencies

For immediate assistance, various agencies specialize in offering protection, advocacy, and community resources for those affected by domestic violence.

To find resources near you, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline website or call 1-800-799-SAFE.

Do You Know Someone Who Needs Help?

Spread the word, spread the awareness. If this page resonates with you or reminds you of someone you know, we urge you to share it. Together, we can extend our hand of support to many more in need.

Conclusion

We hope that this page and the collection of resources contained within has provided the hope, help, and path to healing and recovery that you’ve been looking for.

To dive deeper into our array of tools, guides, and workshops designed to assist you in understanding and effectively addressing abuse, click here.

You can also join our community by subscribing to our email list—to get immediate access to helpful resources and be notified of upcoming workshops.

Remember—you are NOT alone.