Signs That Someone Is in an Abusive Relationship

4 Signs That Someone You Care About Is in an Abusive Relationship

Recognizing the signs that a friend or family member is in an abusive relationship can be confusing, challenging, and overwhelming. You may want to help, but you need clarity to confirm what you're observing.

In this blog post, you will learn:

Let’s have a look.

How to Spot an Abusive Relationship

When someone is in an abusive relationship, it often affects those closely connected to them, and that may include you.

You may sense something is off but might not immediately recognize it is abuse or understand that what you see is harmful. This is especially common when the abuse is emotional and covert.

You can learn to recognize signs that someone might be in an abusive relationship with the proper education and awareness.

Here are four signs that could indicate a harmful situation:

1. Your Friend Seems Less Confident

Over time, someone in an emotionally abusive relationship may begin to lose confidence, their sense of self, and their personal identity.

As their friend or family member, you might notice your loved one is beginning to doubt their own thoughts and voice or is becoming indecisive—unusual behaviors for them. 

They may also begin to undervalue themselves. This can look like self-degrading comments and negative self-regard. They might put themselves down, saying things like, “There I go again. I am always breaking things. I am so clumsy.” Or they may point out their faults in a joking manner.

These changes could suggest they are on the receiving end of criticism, which may indicate abuse.

2. Your Friend’s Partner Publicly Humiliates Them

You might observe that when your friend and their partner are in public, the partner’s comments and jokes are aimed at your friend, and they are off-putting, embarrassing, and shaming. While your friend might laugh it off as a joke, this could be deeply hurtful.

You may notice your friend trying hard not to show their pain and doing nothing to stand up for themselves. As an observer, this can be hard to watch. You may see the interactions and feel uncomfortable. You may struggle to pinpoint why your friend doesn’t seem the same.

3. Your Friend Withdraws From Social Situations

It’s common for people to spend more time with a romantic partner early in a relationship. However, if your friend is dating someone abusive, their partner might gradually limit your friend’s ability to spend time with others in an effort to gain control. It can look like your friend’s partner acting sad when your friend wants to spend time with other people or getting aggressive when your friend wants to see you. They might make your friend feel guilty for wanting to maintain other friendships or relationships.

Over time, this isolation can become more pronounced as the victim withdraws from social interactions, losing connection with the people who could help them the most.

4. Your Friend’s Partner Gains Access to Their Private Accounts

In a healthy relationship, sharing personal things is natural. In an abusive relationship, the abusive partner may demand access to private aspects of their partner’s life, such as financial accounts, emails, and social media. Maintaining healthy personal privacy boundaries is critical to our safety and emotional well-being.

If your friends' partner reads their texts or monitors their location, this can be a sign abuse is present and can be a red flag that their partner is exerting control over them.

What Can You Do Once You See the Signs?

1. Seek Clarity and Educate Yourself on Healing Responses

Before talking with your friend, review The MEND Project’s Healing Model of Compassion to guide your response. Consider expanding your knowledge and understanding about abuse and reading more about how to help someone who is being abused.

2. Reach Out to Your Friend

Call your friend to ask if you can meet in person. This allows for safety in communication. You may suggest meeting when their partner won’t mind or notice, making it easier for your friend to say “yes.”

3. When You Spend Time With Them, Ask How They Are Doing

Listen to your friend. And if the opportunity doesn’t present itself naturally, share that you’ve noticed some changes. Let your friend know you’re concerned. As we teach at MEND, do not over confront them and do not under inform them. You may bring them a copy of our terms and definitions and say something like, “When you said xyz happened, it made me think of this term called…” or “When I was with you and your partner, I noticed he was doing xyz and it reminded me of this term…” You can show them the list and ask if they’d like to look over it. 

4. Then, Just Listen

Make yourself a safe place for them to share without judgment or giving advice. Show them and let them know how much you care.

Conclusion

By taking these simple steps, you can create a safe space for your friend to open up, potentially becoming the catalyst for change and healing in their life.

For further guidance, explore our resources section to learn more about covert emotional abuse and how it looks in relationships. You might also consider downloading terms and definitions that describe these behaviors to share with your friends.