Unveiling Covert Bullying: Understanding its Hidden Tactics

Have you been the victim of covert bullying?

In the realm of adult interactions, bullying doesn't always manifest in overt displays of aggression.

Often, it lurks in the shadows, disguised under a veil of manipulation and targeted cruelty.

In this article, we delve into the insidious nature of covert bullying, shedding light on its various forms and the profound impact it can have on victims.

Here’s what we’ll uncover:

Let’s dive in.

How Do Adults Bully?

Adults may use various tactics to bully their targets.

This may look like:

• Physical aggression or intimidation to overpower their target
• Verbal abuse to gain the advantage through constant negative feedback or criticism
• Aggressive teasing or insults
• Racist, sexist, or homophobic comments

Adult bullying also may occur through cyberbullying and by employing other covert tactics, similar to those used within relationships between intimate partners.

A person with power in status or wealth, often by virtue of their title or position within an industry or organization, may use that power to intimidate or control victims’ actions or responses, including compelling a victim’s silence.

This is why we often see bullying occur in the workplace.

When someone is a bully, they are taking advantage of their power, position, or favor among others.

In these circumstances, the delineation of power may be evident, such as a boss who bullies their employees, but it can also be less clear.

The result is a negative cycle where bullying behavior is tolerated and swept under the rug, causing disunity and emotional hurt among family members, friends, or employees.

And yes, it is abuse.

But there is an equally insidious form of bullying which is harder to recognize.

And that is covert bullying.

Let’s take a closer look:

What is Covert Bullying?

Covert bullying is a severe form of emotional abuse.

It is a targeted behavior towards another person which intimidates, coerces, or exploits an imbalance of perceived or actual power.

It can be more difficult to detect than overt bullying, and can be characterized by cruel words and actions, as well as social exclusion.

Sadly, bullying into adulthood, whether between partners, family members, or co-workers, is often tolerated, as people do not realize the detrimental effects that bullying can have.

Like many types of abuse, covert bullying between adults can be difficult to detect, even though it is incredibly harmful and can leave significant emotional scars.

It is critical to recognize covert bullying as a form of abuse and not downplay the extreme effects it can have on an adult relationship.

Here’s why.

How Covert Bullying Affects Victims

The truth is, bullying can affect an individual in numerous ways.

As someone who witnesses or responds to abuse, it is important to know when to speak up or help someone when you suspect they are experiencing Covert Emotional Abuse in the form of bullying.

Keep an eye out for the signs.

Some signs of covert bullying include:

• Increased sense of vulnerability
• Panic attacks or anxiety
• Loss of motivation
• Becoming more closed off
• Family, social, or workplace tension
• Loss of sleep or appetite

Now, we’ve been talking about covert bullying amongst adults, but what does that look like in daily life?

These examples may be helpful.

What Does Adult Bullying Look Like?

Consider the following scenarios as examples of how bullying can appear in different adult settings.

Marcus and Richie

Marcus works hard at his job, both to please his clients and to get along with his coworkers.

But one of his co-workers, Richie, who has been at the company a few years longer than Marcus and who has the strong support of their boss, just can’t leave Marcus alone

Every time he walks into a meeting, he can hear him laughing and whispering loudly to the people sitting next to him, followed by dead silence as soon as he walks in the room.

It is common for Marcus to hear passive-aggressive comments about his personal life from Richie as well as derogatory, homophobic statements about how he dresses and acts.

Richie visibly frowns upon Marcus’s work accomplishments in front of others, while openly lavishing on compliments for others’ work.

Despite Marcus’s best efforts, he is always interrupted by Richie when he tries to speak. Even his boss does not stick up for him.

Darrel’s Mother-in-Law

Darrel has been married to his wife for ten years, and has always loved her and her family.

However, despite his best efforts, his mother-in-law continually criticizes him.

When he tries to help out, instead of being thanked, he receives corrections about the way he helped.

When he brings the family thoughtful gifts from his work trips, she always makes a snide remark about the item instead of showing gratitude.

After years of feeling ostracized by his mother-in-law, one day Darrel finally decides to gently confront her, with his wife at his side.

But his mother-in-law insists that he is simply “too sensitive” and “can’t take a joke.”

Instead of taking accountability, she makes Darrel feel guilty for expressing his concerns.

Rocio and Her Boss

Rocio works under a very tough boss.

He is known to yell at employees in front of everyone and to say nasty things about his colleagues when they are not around.

He is very intolerant of errors.

Lately, it is as if Rocio is the object of her boss’s aggression, with him picking on her for everything, often in front of their whole team.

One day, when Rocio noticed that she sent a document to a client with a mistake in it, she was instantly anxious and worried about how her boss would react.

Taking the honest route, she decided to tell him immediately what happened, apologizing for the mistake and ensuring that she would put measures in place to prevent it from happening again.

But her boss proceeded to yell at her and call her names, even though she is a dedicated employee.

In each of these situations, we see how adults can bully one another in both obvious and more subtle ways:

1. Marcus experienced verbal bullying and withholding respect and social connection from his coworker
2. Darrel was gaslighted by his mother-in-law, blame-shifted for being "too sensitive" and experienced the sting of an abuser refusing to take responsibility
3. And Rocio’s boss catastrophized what was a small error and engaged in overt verbal abuse against her privately and amongst her peers.

Conclusion

From workplace dynamics to familial relationships, covert bullying can infiltrate every aspect of adult life, leaving behind a trail of emotional wreckage.

But awareness is the first step towards empowerment.

By shining a light on covert bullying and its corrosive effects, we equip ourselves with the tools to recognize and confront such behavior.

So, if you've ever felt the sting of covert bullying, know that you're not alone.

Remember, it's never too late to reclaim your voice and assert your boundaries. Together, let's stand against the shadows of manipulation and cruelty, forging a path toward a future free from the harmful effects of covert bullying.