In this survivor of domestic violence story written by a courageous young woman who we will call Abigail, you’ll learn about:
- The craziness that takes place behind closed doors with a pastor who is an abusive covert narcissistic parent
- How overt and covert abuse compromises the health and well-being of the child
- The ways childhood abuse enters adult relationships
- How others complicate the harm through double abuse
- And how you can become free from the abuse and find healing
Thankfully, Abigail met The MEND Project at one of our recent training programs designed to help anyone in high-conflict relationships and victims or survivors of abuse. By learning from Annette and our team, she found clarity and healing.
This story contains intense and challenging subject matter that can be hard to read and may trigger you. Please care well for yourself and decide whether it’s OK for you to read on.
I Learned That Even Pastors Can Be Covert Narcissists
My story of abuse is lengthy, with many layers.
My first abuser was my mother.
Later in life, I was to realize she was a malignant narcissist.
And it all makes sense now.
I grew up in an affluent area and attended good public and private Christian schools. Mother was an Associate Pastor and Drug and Alcohol Counselor at my church.
At home, she was physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually abusive.
I Was Blamed For How She Treated Me
She always told me that I was crazy and that I needed therapy.
As a small child, she would have me see Christian therapist after therapist because she would tell them something was wrong with me.
Then, she created this false narrative to others that I was a sociopath, liar, thief, and, later, a whore.
My life growing up was very confusing. I was constantly sick and in and out of the hospital for one ailment or another. My mother controlled everything.
Yet, She Was The Malignant Narcissist
She made one pot of food each week that she expected to last the whole week. For example, if she made spaghetti on Sunday night, that spaghetti would be expected to be eaten every night until the following Sunday. Mother told us to scrape off the growing mold and eat the food provided. Later, she would take any remaining food in the home, put them in red toolboxes, and lock them in her room so my siblings and I couldn’t access it.
She also locked up sheets, pillows, and blankets. She put old slide locks on the bypass glass shower doors so we couldn’t take showers unless she allowed it. Often, my youngest brother and I would rig a hose to the fence on the side of the house where the dog run was so we could shower. Finally, at thirteen, my mother told me she would no longer buy me deodorant or tampons when I needed them most.
I Ran Away and Straight Into the Arms Of Another Abuser
By the age of fifteen, I left to live with my boyfriend. My High School offered a work experience program I could participate in, and I learned typing and secretary skills. This program allowed me to get High School credit and work to support myself.
Unfortunately, but not surprisingly in retrospect, my first boyfriend was also abusive. He abused me physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually.
Yet, I remained with him for eight and a half years. I had nowhere to go when our relationship ended, so I returned to my parent’s home. During these young years, I struggled with functional alcoholism that worsened until I got pregnant with my firstborn son.
Even My Church Became an Abuser
The church I attended while growing up was also very dysfunctional and abusive.
When I was thirteen, I attended a church camp for teens in the mountains. One night, the speaker asked us to turn around and pray for the person behind us. It was a straightforward exercise to get a bunch of teenagers to pray for one another.
I obeyed, turned around, and prayed for the girl behind me using simple language and terms. It started like, “Dear Jesus, thank you for _____.” Almost immediately, the girl behind me began to scream in a scary male voice. She fell to the floor and started slithering and screaming at me. I was scared to death. Inside me, I had an inkling of what was happening, but I had only read about these things in the Bible and wasn’t sure what to do.
The laity approached me and got very upset about what happened. I was scolded for doing what I was told to do, pray. I didn’t understand what I had done wrong. After that incident, I felt very targeted by the laity.
The incident encouraged other children to bully me during that week-long camping trip.
Growing up, I was used to hiding food or candy, and I had hidden a Ziploc bag of SMARTIES that had gotten crushed in my pillowcase while I was at camp. The girls in my cabin found this bag of SMARTIES and gave it to the laity, who called the police on me. When the police arrived I explained to them that it was SMARTIES, the police tasted what was in the bag and let me go.
I walked away from the church shortly after that and didn’t return until I gave birth to my firstborn son at twenty-one.
Becoming a Mom Myself Changed Everything
The birth of my son resulted from alcohol and seeking love in all the wrong places. His biological father refused to be in our lives and left me to raise our son alone.
After giving birth to him, I had what I coined as a “bomb” going off in my mind. I didn’t realize it then but later discovered this was my first mental break due to CPTSD.
By then, I was living again with my abusive mother and attending therapy. This was the first time my “heart” had grasped that my mother was abusive. My “head” had always known that what was happening to me wasn’t normal, but my “heart” wouldn’t or couldn’t accept it.
I Tried To Confront The Abuse But Retaliation Was Brutal
In my immaturity, I confronted her about the abuse, and she was RELENTLESS in her retaliation.
She threw me and my two-year-old son out of her house. I became homeless and lived in and out of hotels and churches.
I was entirely out of my mind with flashbacks, constant anxiety attacks, and vomiting from continuous anxiety. This was the worst time I could remember in my adult life. Yet, my God held on tightly to my son and me and provided like never before.
On the other hand, my mother was actively trying to take my son from me. She was telling my family members that I was on drugs.
Let me assure you, I was never into drugs outside of alcohol which was my drug of choice. I had a problem with alcohol for many years, but having my son compelled me to become sober, and I did.
As an additional measure of retaliation, my mother had my oldest brother come and take the car my Dad had co-signed for me that I was paying for. I was vulnerable, desperate, hungry, tired, and mentally shattered.
In Desperation, I Sought Refuge By Marrying Another Abuser
This was when my first husband appeared. He was twenty-four years my senior and had been in and out of prison most of his life. He had six children from three prior relationships and lost parental rights to all six children.
You would think this would be a red flag for me, but red flags weren’t something I was familiar with at the time.
Clothes, food, shelter, and protection from my mother were enough for me to stay with this man. I wasn’t physically attracted nor “in” love with my first husband but I was utterly desperate and needed help in the worst way.
We were married quickly after we met, and he didn’t hide his abuse. He choked, kicked, and hit me a few times, but the verbal, emotional, and mental abuse was worse. That’s what people don’t seem to realize.
Psychological abuse can be much harder to deal with than physical abuse. At least, it was for me.
I went to secular and Bible colleges while married and educated myself as much as possible. We had three children, and out of fourteen years of marriage, I can recall ONE good time during a trip to San Francisco. Eventually, I couldn’t take the abuse anymore and went to the laity at my church of eight years. The woman’s Pastor counseled me weekly for approximately a year and knew my marriage was abusive. I was taught that divorce was unacceptable and God would reject me if I divorced. So, divorce couldn’t be a solution for me.
Attempting Suicide Saved My Life
At one very dark point, I decided to end my life and took actual measures to make this a reality. I called my Pastor and reached out to her in desperation before my attempt.
She rejected my call. Their answer, in short, to the abuse I was receiving was that I needed to pray and read my Bible more. I needed to obey the authority figures that God put over me.
Rather than taking responsibility, the head pastor told me in no uncertain terms that his associate pastors were faultless and that anything I believed they did or said was wrong would not receive any correction from him.
I went to every marriage intensive, marriage counselor, and group therapist and read many books on abuse. I left my husband twelve times before I finally took the chance to get away for good. Magical thinking and toxic empathy deceived me for many years.
By God’s grace, and to my surprise, I was still alive the morning after my suicide attempt. Everything I had done to end my life failed, and my brother broke into my house and took me to the hospital. Ironically, I found out a few days later that the specific Pastor I had contacted was posting on social media how she was about to attend a workshop on how to help people who were suicidal.
I Cried Out, “God, Do You Hate Divorce or Abuse More?”
After my suicide attempt, I began to CRY OUT to God as I had never done before. I pleaded for him to help me and free me from my ex-husband. I fasted, prayed, and cried out to God.
I would go into my closet and scream to God on my knees to look at my situation and set me free. It took three years of this INTENSE praying for my escape to come about, and I wasn’t ready for it, to be honest.
The question that changed my life forever that I needed to ask and answer for myself was, “Did God hate divorce or abuse more?” My answer changed my life forever.
My ex-husband was a Drug and Alcohol Counselor and manager at a methadone clinic. I was a stay-at-home Mom with four children. I home schooled and went to college. He was a chameleon, a lot like my mother; everyone loved him and respected him. He had a great “story,” a guy who went to prison for twenty years for drugs and got out of prison, changed his life, and now helps people who were once him.
What a joke!
At year eleven in our marriage, he relapsed on Methamphetamines. He was a needle user, and our marriage went from bad to extremely bad. He would leave the house for long periods and stay in hotels.
And I Finally Left
I later found out that he had sex with prostitutes and even seduced a family member in her adult teen years. He left needles and drugs under our bed; he took tons of money from our bank account.
He stole a lot of money from family members, and needless to say, it got wild. What ultimately ended up freeing us was something I don’t believe any human being can prepare for, and yet it’s an issue that desperately needs training in our churches.
Police arrived at my home one Saturday morning and found child pornography on my husband’s cell phone. He was handcuffed and put into the back of the police car. A sergeant was called out to our home, and my ex was released because the Governor of our State had recently changed the laws to make watching child pornography no longer illegal.
He left our home that Saturday, and I filed for divorce Monday morning. I received a restraining order that is still in effect today. Detectives and child protective services came into our home. It was a complete nightmare. What followed for my family was nothing short of devastation.
I had no idea that my husband of fourteen years was a pedophile. The icing on the cake was that I learned his entire family knew he was a pedophile and understood that he had even molested a family member. But they never warned me and did nothing to protect our children. Instead, everyone protected him and didn’t tell me anything.
When We Disclosed the Abuse, Our Church Doubly Abused Me and My Son
When our church family found out about what had happened – let me preface this by saying that my son was a part of this group of boys that grew up together and were always at each others’ houses since the age of five years old – some of my son’s friends rejected him for the first time.
He was no longer welcome into the fold, and although I didn’t know it yet, neither was I. I will never forget it, and I would be lying if I said that recalling this day didn’t still make me extremely angry. I am, however, working on it…
My son’s best friend was having a birthday party, and my son wasn’t invited for the first time. He came to me sobbing and showed me the social media video posts of his friends getting together for the first time without him.
These were boys that I taught at home school co-ops. They spent countless hours in my home. I drove to swimming, tennis, and Latin lessons with them. You name it, and we did it. The hurt my son experienced that day is hard to forget. Soon I learned my son wasn’t the only one ostracized. No one from that church spoke to me again.
In conclusion, I have experienced so much more double abuse that it would shock most people. The pain and harm to my family and me through their responses or reactions to our trauma were unimaginable before. But now I could fill a whole book about the double abuse I experienced in my lifetime. My doctor believes writing a book about what I have experienced may be therapeutic. Who knows, I might.
I Found Healing When I Encountered The MEND Project
I am forever grateful to Annette Oltmans for giving what I experienced a name.
This short synopsis of my life is sad and has debilitated me for many years. I still have a lot of side effects from CPTSD. I struggle with nightmares, anxiety attacks, intrusive visions and thoughts, depression, paranoia, driving anxiety, and other debilitating mental struggles. Although I work hard, I thrive spiritually. God has healed me in so many areas I never thought could be healed.
I am educated and married to a wonderful, caring, compassionate, kind, sweet, good father to ALL our children. Surprisingly enough, I attend a rather large church weekly with my children, but I find comfort at a distance from the laity and church members at large.
I participate in weekly group therapy and monthly therapy from my doctor. You know the old saying that hindsight is 20/20? Well, when I look back at the wreckage from the vantage point I now enjoy, Jesus was there the whole time.
Please Know You Are Never Alone
God never left me nor forsook me. He comforted me even when I was in my darkest, quietest hours.
Please, my dear friend, if there’s one thing you take away from my story is that He, Jesus, is there with you too. So listen to me, dear ones, if I could do it, trust me, you can too!
wow. thank you so much for speaking of your situation . I had the same double triple quadruple abuse from persons in positions to help victims of abuse .. one shocking time I called an operator for help this was when we only had pay phones.. I was absolutely refused medical care. and I had strep so bad my throat was bleeding . I was finally waking up that this was abuse and I knew if a doctor saw me and heard all that I dealt with behind closed doors that I could be taken from both parents .. my mother was the main abuser but my father absolutely like a drug needed to get home and hear the sadistic cruelty that my mother inflicted on me all day long.. when I asked for help I had to ask for a quarter for a payphone because of course they wanted to go away for the weekend while I was sick . .when I finally found someone to give me a quarter and walked into the other room to use the phone . immediately I am the only person in there and the employee goes and turns the music up blasting . when we are in pain and need help I believe that the narcissists can see us coming they can smell when we have an ounce of self worth and they don’t want us to be heard. there was no one in this other room and he cranked up the music while I asked him if he could turn it down I got stonewalled.. I had asked the operator to please send help . to send police to send an ambulance I had a high fever and I was weak to the point it was hard to stand up I could not swallow and my throat was raw and bleeding from the infection . I was saying that I was refused medical care . and the operator said to me what I now see as gaslighting where she spoke sickly sweet and said a nonsense statement speaking in circles with ..” oh but they are your parents they have to take you if you are sick they have to let you see a doctor they are your parents. ” she continued to say this and I would say . I know but they wont let me see a doctor ( I was refused medical care because when I was born my mother starved me to make me suffer to make me cry and I almost died .. the doctor of course wanted me taken from my parents so they fled the country with me when I was a baby .. they left canada and did not stop driving until they were on the other side of the United States. I wish they had taken me from them as a baby .. so to assure I could never be taken from them from child neglect they did not let me see a pediatrician ever. I told the dispatcher again ” I am asking for help because they will not let me see a doctor .. ” this is when she switched from sickly sweet to screaming and yelling at me. I had no rights to get help because I was according to her as a child not having a heart attack .. and she gave me a long list of why she would not send help including because I did not have BROKEN BONES” .. these double abuse monsters are as prevalent in the work place and in jobs that will expose them to vulnerable people as they are in families.. when the statistics show they are in one in every 10 – 15 families.. that means that tens of millions of them are in the workplace .. and there is a high chance that they will flock to positions that make them feel empowered and will also give them the ability to refuse justice and help to abused kids and adults .. predators are in lead jobs such as lawyers and judges.. they are flocking to counseling positions . I have met much much more counselors that are incompetent cruel and just do not want to spend a minute helping anyone that is not a narcissist like they are . they actually meet with other narisisists like they are .. these are persons that turn to others for help to empower them even more .. they don’t go to counseling for insight into their abuse and disorder they go to counseling to be validated that they are perfect and blameless and other narcissistic counselors prefer to treat them and speak to them than they would a person with ptsd . ITs really an epidemic of scapegoating abuse towards children that does not stop in adulthood and the more I reached out for help the more sickos that I met and I saw more and more red flags in people that you would never think deep down after they fake pretend they are a good person and their true self emerges its shocking how they can trick and fool people for so long .. they do stick together . they do not want to lower their standards and protect anyone that is targeted for abuse .. its also known that there is a more than 15 .Times greater chance when you ask for help from police that you will have a greater chance you are speaking to someone condoning domestic abuse then you would if you asked the general population .. the law enforcement the lawyers and judges all make up ways that the legal system is used to further inflict secondary trauma and abuse by proxy .. the parents if they can’t make their adult scapegoated child suffer and get their life destroyed …they can misuse the legal system to their advantage and there has been for decades and its getting worse now . of having an open door policy that all persons lacking a conscience are fully welcome to become judges and lawyers . there is no awareness in the most of society that the numbers of cluster disordered are not in prisons the greatest numbers of narcissists that do massive damage to survivors of domestic abusers are sitting in positions and taking jobs that you will need to turn to to ask for help protection and assistance .. and you can run smack into people that work together daily for years and know that they are aligned against survivors of abuse . the good judges and good lawyers are not let into the scam in fact unless you are behind closed doors and alone with them you wont see them smirking and laughing at an innocent victim having tears run down their cheeks . they hide their narcissism from other colleagues … the places that there should be no narcissists that get away with breaking the law and this is the biggest cruelty of all that those violating laws documenting false reporting and doing things to inflict deep emotional pain because they can do it and they can get away with it they have no oversight and no one to hod them accountable when they are wrong and one hundred percent getting off on seeng someone they know full well is innocent and undeserving of cruelty . those are the persons that sociopaths target to make themselves feel high and feel superior . they do not feel good when they punish the guilty like they are . they do not feel good when they sentence other abusers . lawyers with narcissism want nothing to do with defending a victim that has been lied about and targeted and is innocent . they would rather fight for the rights and defend a criminal than they would fight to protect innocent victims they want nothing to do with helping victims of crimes… the legal system starting with police absolutely gives so much weight to when police lie . and they give so much weight to these persons as if they have rights to be seen as a better person than the entire world.. they do nothing in their entire life ever that shows that they are caring and a good person and I mean nothing . and in society we mistreat the innocent that are trying to speak of wht happened to them and they are not only not believed but people do not want to see the truth they will insist in a judges room that you be prevented from speaking the truth and exposing that a crime was committed on you . they have that much power that they can tell you and your lawyer that you have no rights to be able to prove that you did nothing wrong . and he will sit there smirking and laughing on the bench as he allows the other side to slander smear and lie …and the minute that you need to confront the accuser … and prove with facts and documents that nothing that was said was even real .. …the judge will say that is not allowed and literally do whatever it takes to block and thwart the truth from being exposed .. they love to flex that power and control and they are given absolute power to do what they want in their room .. if they want to make you suffer right in front of him . that is what he will do… until society wakes up and realizes that these disordered persons that lack a consceice and live for the thrill to be cruel to the pubic if you are targeted for family abuse decades after you left your family and they managed to turn your life upside down . instead of the legal system being there to protect the victims its there to protect the family criminals .. they are monsters and they need that job like a drug . it makes them feel high and superior that they can inflict deep emotional scaring and pain . and they are allowed to do whatever they want to you and no one will Stand up to them because what is documented behind closed doors is purposely leaving out comments that expose the truth and your innocence… its absolutely that they are rewriting history and only allowing the accuser and the criminals or the domestic abusers words to be documented … as a nation we are aware of this only if you are the targeted victim .. not if you are a bullying predator and violating rights … if you have experienced double abuse and legal abuse you know what it is and what it looks like and how it hurts and how it absolutely can destroy lives.. but those that are raised as the golden child and the persons raised with good caring loving parents often end up on the same side because they are lied to .. they do not know when the sociopath is manipulating them . and those that have never experiened their own family turning agains them slandering them will absolutely believe whatever lies are spewed out on you… and society becomes the other group of double abuse that you experience.. the nation needs to be aware that people lacking a conscience and having personality disorders that are liars and rewrite history are flocking to jobs like the legal system lawyers police along with dispatchers . there is really no system set up to announce when a scary criminal minded sociopath has power and control to refuse victims of crimes any justice and help and they need to be exposed and never allowed to have any rights to mistreat victims to lie to slander and attack survivors of crimes while they help to give more power to the predators ……and as a nation we have thousands of hundreds of thousands over the years of innocent people sent to jail falsely accused and their lives ruined and the entire time there are those involved that outright knew who was guilty and got a thrill out of knowing they can go to bed at night feeling superior and important that they can hurt whoever they want and no one stops them …… to a sadist that is a dream job …. and what is a disgrace is we put judges in positions of God . that judges are so perfect that they would never lie and they are not Jesus Christ . until they have an absolute spotless record where all persons are treated with respect and dignity and all innocent people given the legal system to help them and not hurt them . than until that happens they need to be monitored and held accountable … they need to be taken out of the position if they have victims proving that they are not even allowed to bring evidence that proves their innocence … there are enough good people that can be placed in all judge positions . there are enough good men that should be police and good women that could be police and lawyers that we don’t have to settle as a nation and put up with giving power over peoples lives to pathologically sick minded predators that exploit their jobs to really do massive damage to families…. the truth we have to face is they want to help the family abuser and criminal to be dismissed down played and turn against the survivor to blame them .. they enjoy the abuse on someone else’s victimized family member the same way they love to abuse their own family targets …Until it has happened to you that you experienced double abuse and watched a lawyer or cop or judge sit back and look at tears running down your cheeks due to betrayal and legal abuse .. that is why they do not want courts televised and they do not want the public open to to the public … they want to keep their abuse behind closed doors.. the public for one should be able to watch and see and hear every single thing that a judge does to a victim of a crime ..they are paid public servants and they act as if they are God .. it doesn’t protect the victims .. if you are innocent you want things to be exposed.. its always those that are abusers and want injustice and cruelty to happen to victims that they want to be behind closed doors… that is a red flag they are the criminals when they refuse to have the public know what is happening .. if you have never seen a judge watch tears roll down your cheeks after he blatantly refuses to let you speak of truth and refuses to let you show documentation that exposes the truth that you are being blatantly smeared with gossip . they don’t want to help you they want to listen to the lies and gossiping but the minute that you can show the officer lied and that nothing he says is real .. and he could be fired and exposed they shut you down . they can come out and they can start yelling to shock the victim and then start blaming you and then the minute you are frozen in fear you can see them smirk and laughs when you have tears running down the front of your cheeks .. that is a sadistic person .. and its worse when the lawyer and judge have this going on where they have a slew of victims that they pair up against persons that are targeted for abuse .. now you know how good officers and good judges are not aware of that is really done to victims in the legal system because the disordered predators in the legal system work together . the same way a family targets the scapegoat and lies about them and bullies them behind closed doors the narcissist in the courthouse and in uniform with police is that they will ride with other people like them . they want to work with others that are good cops if they are good cops . but if they like to assault women and conjure up false reporting they will surround themselves with other people that false report. they will put themselves in the judges chambers specifically asking for court dates that run when that judge is working.. until they get evaluated for narcissism and until the victims are heard and listened to and until all judges are observed on camera and not observed by more predators but people that are vetted and known for their honesty and empathy and exposing cruel people that do not belong on the bench . the cops lawyers and judges only need to be observed and at the same time to listen to enough victims to know that there is a bad egg that needs to be removed …. but this can’t go on the way it is .. the way the legal system is set up now its a heaven for helping criminals not to go jail for refusing help to victims and to inflict further abuse and harm on survivors of crimes . I just wanted to speak of my experience to show just how prevalent along with this wonderful sharing of what this survivor went through that we need to speak the truth and not just that but also show answers and give factual ways that as a nation we need to seek out change . these things should never be allowed to happen to survivors of crimes but we are finding out that with secrecy and with many predators getting hired on jobs that they can get away with being sickeningly cruel towards innocent people looking for protection .. that this has to change this has to stop they should not be laughing and smirking on the Bench at a totally blameless victim because they enjoy supporting other bullies and to put it simply its a fun exciting afternoon to watch another suffering target of family abuse . they love that they can do this to more victims of family violence gaslighting trauma and stalking adults into their life to further slander and smear their name to ruin their jobs and their standing .. they want to destroy their own children for life. these are mothers that must remain the better one at all costs and as a male narcisisst they relate to that feeling and they favor those that think like him…. they are so powerful ..now ,,,and until this stops and we get some supervision ,and asking them to get out of their jobs… because they are not fit to be there .. because they have no desire to help or give justice to support victims ….they think its absolutely beneath them to to protect another family’s scapegoated target . they actually believe its beneath them to protect innocent people . and they do not ever have to obey the laws behind that bench and behind closed doors….. they can make the documents say whatever he wants them to say .. whatever they feel like doing they are allowed to do and never held accountable because they are seen as above reproach and they are not Jesus Christ …no one but the victim and the other few predators behind closed doors with an abusive judge will be the wiser because it is not observed and supervised and if it is ever supervised if it’s not observed by someone that will report that the judge favored the criminal over protecting the victims .its still condoning cruelty and more abuse towards the surviving victims of crimes … there needs to be immense exposure of legal abuse being double abuse and its such an epidemic.. that is truly how bad it is .. they never in their room really need to obey the law .. they actually are condoning victim blaming …there is a culture of false reporting and victim blaming being seen as acceptable and not a crime ..if you are the lying predator you are allowed to victim blame all day long and there is support from the sadistic misogynistic cop all the way up to the misogynistic judges . … there is going to continue to be more crimes against people from the bench and its acceptable because they are given total immunity as if they are God… there is not an ounce of supervision that holds them accountable and victims of judge abuse and lawyers lets not forget the future judges that are geared towards absolute cruelty towards the survivors of crimes .. there is no one that stops these monstrous sick people forming clicks .. they click up.,,, narcissistic people like my mother always was able to locate the sickest sociopath in the building .. she could be in a room of a thousand people and if there was one sociopath that got off on hurting scapegoated children or adult children she not only could find him but she could get them to do her bidding and take part in cruel abuse. just like a good person feels comfortable with other caring decent people . they. are attracted to others that like to inflict harm on innocent lives and they find each other .. it would not take long to clean up the cliques and overhaul the legal system to refuse to allow sociopaths to be on the bench . it would not be hard to clean up and it would not be hard to keep supervision and to listen to the survivors to assure that they are given justice and protection . until we see this as a real problem and epidemic that it is going to just create more victims of double abuse more ptsd and more trauma related to the legal system .