Gaslighting is Often Misused: The Overuse of Gaslighting Explained

Most people are familiar with the term “gaslighting,” but how many really know what it means? 

Our guess is relatively few do. 

The term gaslighting is often misused because it isn’t understood and is not properly recognized when it occurs; therefore, it is misapplied. 

We’d like to change that. 

In this article, we’re going to: 

Let’s talk about it.

Overuse and Misuse of the Term ‘Gaslighting’ Happens Every Day

Gaslighting is a subtle, complex, and hidden form of psychological manipulation known as covert emotional abuse, where a person, group of people, or an organization repeatedly targets an individual to make them question their sanity, perception of reality, or memories. It has significant traumatic effects on its victims.

When overused or misused, the term gaslighting isn’t appropriately applied.

In these scenarios below, the term ‘gaslighting’ is being misused:

• When someone disagrees with another person’s version of a story—which can happen and isn’t uncommon—they may be accused of gaslighting.
• Or if someone doesn’t remember another person saying something they said, they can be accused of gaslighting.
• Or even if someone disagrees with what another is proposing, they might be accused of gaslighting.

When well-meaning family, friends, partners, or colleagues don’t know how to resolve conflict or can’t quite remember the sequence of events that led to the disagreement, they are likely not gaslighting.

The Misuse Of Gaslighting Can Confuse Victims

Regular misuse of the term “gaslighting” confuses victims of abusive or narcissistic gaslighting. Victims of gaslighting need to understand the definition to protect themselves. Gaining a clear understanding of what gaslighting is and knowing when it is happening to them is essential to their ability to confront abusive gaslighting and protect themselves from its harm.

How Misunderstanding Gaslighting Is a Disservice to Victims of Abuse

The lack of understanding and improper use of this term is a disservice to people who are actually being harmed by gaslighting and misdirects those responding to their plea for help.

The overuse—and misuse— of the term desensitizes this harmful and destructive form of emotional abuse.

With the general public using this term so frequently and not having an accurate understanding, when a victim of gaslighting shares their experience with another person, the listener may not take it seriously.

Ignorance or confusion about what gaslighting means can lead a responder to minimize the victim’s disclosure or even dismiss it instead of helping them respond to the abuse. When this happens, the victim is traumatized a second time.

At MEND, we call this Double Abuse®. Double Abuse takes place when those who are responding to victims minimize, criticize, ignore, silence, or respond to them in other harmful ways.

When victims vulnerably reach out for help, these uneducated and unintended harmful responses wound the victim deeply. The PTSD experienced from the original abuse can transition into its more complex form, Complex PTSD.

Gaslighting Is Incredibly Destructive

The person who has regularly been gaslit within their relationship by their partner experiences significant harm.

The purpose of gaslighting is to diminish the other’s sense of self and confidence in their perceptions, memory, and sanity so they become more dependent upon the gaslighter and eventually adopt the gaslighter’s reality over their own. This is accomplished by lying, blame-sifting, telling partial lies, minimizing, and other crazy-making tactics.

How It Affects the Victim

Gaslighting can have profound effects on a person’s mental and emotional well-being. Those subjected to gaslighting often experience the following:

• Loss of Self-Identity: Gaslighting can distort one’s self-image and self-confidence, leading to a loss of identity.
• Constant Self-Doubt: Victims often second-guess themselves and question their own judgments and memory.
• Feelings of Invalidation: The gaslighter often dismisses the victim’s feelings, making them feel invalidated and unheard.
• Isolation: The victims may feel disconnected from others and struggle with establishing trusting relationships.
• Increased Anxiety and Depression: Chronic gaslighting can lead to anxiety and depression.

Anyone subject to ongoing gaslighting experiences significant traumatic effects causing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (“PTSD”), which can develop into Complex PTSD.

They feel confused or anxious and stop trusting their own perceptions.

Through gaslighting, the abuser (who is often a narcissist, but not always) systematically replaces the victim’s reality with a false reality—eventually shutting the victim down.

Over time and after the abuser continually challenges (or counters) the victim, the victim begins to question their reality and whether they are worthy of having their needs and desires met.

The victim may eventually become so worn down that they unknowingly adopt the abuser’s reality over their own. The tactic of gaslighting, if not stopped, is likely to effectively make the victim feel responsible for the blame and powerless to do anything to stop it-many say it makes them feel crazy.

They can benefit from learning specific responses to gaslighting tactics to stop its impact, heal, and restore.

To learn more about the destructive nature of this form of abuse, read our guide on the topic.

Misusing the Term Gaslighting Also Obstructs Meaningful Dialogue In Non-Abusive Relationships

Misusing gaslighting can be harmful in nonabusive relationships as well.

Telling a person they are gaslighting you rather than entering into healthy or productive discourse or conversation can be an unhealthy way to avoid potentially productive communication. It shuts down the conversation.

For example, someone who is frustrated with a conversation or who is more comfortable avoiding conflict might use the term to end a discussion. An accusation of gaslighting can effectively interrupt and stop another person’s persuasive efforts to advocate their point of view.

Gaslighting is Real, and Its Proper Use is Essential

Gaslighting is one of the most common tools a narcissist uses. However, it can be employed in various types of relationships. And it has real, lasting, and damaging effects.

It’s key to understand the truth about what gaslighting is to prevent misuse of the term and thereby protect and advocate for victims who are encountering this destructive emotional abuse tactic in their relationship.